Mistress Matisse
@mistressmatisse
Perverse prolific profane political pansexual polyamorous dominatrix and writer, Seattle. Sex work is work. Queer. Cannabis. Anti-Misogyny. Gen X, she/her. Not here to “build my brand”
I’m out power-washing the vestibule and the decks in the gentle sun, and woo it was certainly not premature!
A quick shopping run through the Arctic chill of the southend Red Apple, and saw this sign reminding me not to get too-too frisky because I don’t work here
So my bestie came over today and we cleaned out my bathroom and a large bathroom closet, which was basically just a chaotic archaeological tell of femininity, not having been sorted out since before the pandemic. I know because we found these. I was: oh yeah right, birth control, I remember that
Oh look at this nonsense! Add me twice, loser, I’m THAT correct about it
Only in the Pacific Northwest in Juneuary: we’re under a heat advisory, yet it is 68 degrees at 1:30 pm
Okay! it took three weeks but I have my car back now, fully repaired from the rear end collision that happened about a month ago. It’s so nice to have my own car back and not be driving that suv LAND BARGE they rented me
OK, is it just me, or does this image for an Obama interview kind of look like a movie poster for a complex emotional romance thriller? Like no disrespect, but I feel like there should be - some visible space in between Obama and Michelle Norris? Some odd graphic design choices were made here.
An uninsured driver crashed into me from behind two weeks ago, and yes, it was minor, but at one point they were like “look there’s no REAL damage, let’s just FORGET it! That’s NOTHING, I’ll give you $100, no need for INSURANCE” and I was like: oh no that’s several thousand dollars right there
Okay I never cook, I am a terrible cook, but tonight I did this thing where you fry ravioli instead of boiling them, and it turned out - nice!
When I read this, I automatically pictured a guy who looks something like this, saying it
Wait - things just took at TURN because I just came outside and LOOK Did someone - find and return it? Or is City of Seattle just REALLY FAST?
So I went on the city website, kept clicking and clicking and clicking through menus, and eventually got here: they will send me another one, no charge! So, very odd? but okay that’s an acceptable outcome
This is very interesting, I’ve always felt like tech billionaires were trying to “innovate” out of needing women involved in pregnancy. They have WOMB ENVY
So my mom came to me all like: oh no something terrible happened to my laptop, can you try to fix it? It might be beyond repair! This is the error message. I clicked “OK” and relaunched Chrome and it’s fine. But I’m going to spend at least 20 minutes pretending to work, so she doesn’t feel silly
Is everyone else really short? or is redheaded dude really weirdly tall?
I’m at SeaTac airport and it’s - weirdly quiet. I guess I’m still expecting a huge mess of a flight clusterfuck whenever I arrive at an airport now. But of course I’m an hour early, so I’m sitting in the Africa Lounge with some oddly large french fries and a tall screwdriver
Okay, maybe this would be only for evening, but have you tried experimenting with (wait for it) black mascara? Maybelline Great Lash is usually about six dollars at the drugstore, and it’s waterproof
If you see this: quote with a picture of you wearing sunglasses 🕶️