Matt Tobey (@mtobey) · DIRTY

Matt Tobey

@mtobey

Past: Comedy Central, The Onion Future: Dead 📍Michigan He/him

680 Folgt2.810 Follower628 Posts

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Matt Tobey@mtobey· 3d

CELEBRATE AMERICA WITH THE CRUNCHY SNACK AND BRINGS BOLD FLAVOR EVERY TIME

Ruffles bag: CELEBRATE & TURN UP THE PARTY
RUFFLES® BRINGS THE RIDGES THAT RULE THE COURT AND THE PARTY.
CELEBRATE AMERICA
WITH THE CRUNCHY SNACK AND BRINGS
BOLD FLAVOR EVERY TIME.
RUFFLES

Matt Tobey@mtobey· 15d

Paris Hilton stop being poor shirt

Matt Tobey@mtobey· 15d

Everything reminds me of Haley Stevens

Soda can: Contains no juice

Matt Tobey@mtobey· 27d

I cold-smoked salmon for the first time so that’s a new power unloxed

An open face everything bagel topped with cream cheese, cucumber, homemade lox, green onion, and capers

Matt Tobey@mtobey· 29d

It was such a thrill to once again work with my dear friends Robert, Chris, Florence, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Chris, Criss, Chris, Oprah, and Chris.

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Jul 16

Blaze it!

AQI 420

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Jul 12

Roses are red Lindsey Graham died of shits

Greta Thunberg's Sister Beata MonaLisa Does the Splits

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Jun 27

Tapping to help rebound is srucial

Chair assembly instructions: Tapping to help rebound is srucial

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Jun 23

Dog in glasses smoking a cig staring at phone

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 30

Text from me: Stop

Text from Nancy Pelosi: You have been unsubscribed from texts and will no longer receive messages

Tyler the creator: so that was a fucking lie

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 28

Post a meme made by you

Handshake meme. One arm is labeled "9 year olds." The second arm is labeled "Documentaries." Their handshake is labeled "Take an hour and a half to tell a 5 minute story"

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 20

I don’t know anything about politics but he’s a hunk

Abdul for Senate yard sign

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 16

I’m finally gonna do it* *kill a very large spider

A handsome man’s hand holding a paperback copy of Infinite Jest

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 14

Tell me more about this so-called Thickdaddy Trap

Xi asks Trump is US and China can avoid Thucydides Trap at high-stakes summit

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 14

Tim Robinson talking about TK Jewelers in the audience of a sitcom taping

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 6

Alright, we’ll call it a draw!

Based on the request of Pakistan and other Countries, the tremendous Military Success that we have had during the Campaign against the Country of Iran and, additionally, the fact that Great Progress has been made toward a Complete and Final Agreement with Representatives of Iran, we have mutually agreed that, while the Blockade will remain in full force and effect, Project Freedom (The Movement of Ships through the Strait of Hormuz) will be paused for a short period of time to see whether or not the Agreement can be finalized and signed. President
DONALD J. TRUMP

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 1

GAS, as in how about givin' me some

Jackie Jr playing scrabbled with Meadow

Matt Tobey@mtobey· May 1

Dog with glasses, smoking a cig, staring at phone

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Apr 28

Got to see one of my favorite movies on da big screen!

5-star Letterboxd review of Speed Racer (2008)

There isn't a screen big enough for this fucking thing. This joyous razor blade miracle. Project it onto the moon.

Place was absolutely packed with people not just seeing Michael (2026), but in costume to see Michael. A bit on the mutilated nose if you ask me.

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Apr 17

Sometimes the snow comes down in June

Robert F Kennedy Jr Cut Penis off Raccoon

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Apr 17

Steve Bannon modeling the spring collection from Calico Cut Pants

Steve Bannon wearing pants that got nothin to do with piss

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Apr 13

It's time for a Jesus who kills people with magic

AI slop picture Trump posted of himself as Jesus doing magic on a guy in a hospital bed

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 25

This is the only ethical Harry Potter content

Whorrey Potter and the Sorcerer's Balls

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 9

Trump has also reportedly begun to guess people's shoe sizes to their faces. If this goes wrong, it could potentially be dangerous, menswear writer Derek Guy told the Journal. Marco Rubio on Capitol Hill in December. His shows don't appear to fit.

Mr Burns pointing a gun at Smithers: I said hop in

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 5

I had to look and he's still crankin' out youth pastor slop for the Nazis

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 5

Markwayne Mullin has the face of a guy who somehow drowned in a fireworks accident

Markwayne Mullin

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 4

The computer thinks Trump has a framed photo of Batman and Michael Douglas from Falling Down

AI slop photo in the Oval Office

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 2

lauren
@NotABigJerk

i'm not falling for that hot take. that's clearly someone with a fetish for getting yelled at. i refuse to participate in that kind of perversion

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Mar 2

Children sitting around camp fire post apocalypse with a bottom speech bubble

Matt Tobey@mtobey· Feb 27

I love cinema

Robocop, Nirvanna The Band The Show The Movie, The Arena, Mata Hari