The muppety one

@muppetk

So muppety. So tired. Alleged adult. Disaster Muppet. Simultaneously the voice of reason and chaos. A rich soup of nonsense. Cw: food because I am always stress baking (Queer acupuncturist. Pro vax. V lefty. Long Covid sucks four assed monkey butt.)

154 Folgt408 Follower10.487 Posts

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Ist das dein Profil?Übernimm es — dann gehört dir muppetk.dirty.social.Profil übernehmen

The muppety one@muppetk· 18d

@shaenon.bsky.social in case Ellman didn’t send it to you first, you need this!

A picture of moth man’s butt with a tattoo added just above it. Caption at top says: “Somebody put a tramp stamp on the Mothman statue in west virginia and I cannot stop giggling about it.”

The muppety one@muppetk· Jul 9

….i know that voice. That is the internal monologue of EVIL. it needs to be slapped. WITH A FISH.

A man is sitting center stage. Another man is standing a little behind and to the side of him, and WHIPS HIM IN THE GODDAMN FACE WITH A TWO FOOT LONG FISH. like those evil locker room towel whips except slimier and smellier.

The muppety one@muppetk· Jun 5

In fairness, they had some help from the noise of air conditioners. But it was a two fire engine explosion!

A car is goddamn on fire and aggressively smoking maybe 2-3 parking spots down from down from the cross streets pole

The muppety one@muppetk· May 28

@meeses.bsky.social psst. Taking remedial Korean lessons this weekend.

A ridiculously large bottle of gochujang sauce. And when I say ridiculously large, I mean the weight on it is 5 lbs. 3 oz.

The muppety one@muppetk· Apr 21

Okay, so there’s the anatomy I feel strongest when I make that hand position. You can see both the anatomical drawing and my hand with stickers on it. More detail in the alt text.

Anatomical drawing of the Acu point LI3, located right next to the knuckle where the hand becomes the pointer finger. Just proximal (closer to the wrist than the finger tip) to the joint (the metacarpophalangeal joint).

Anatomical drawing of the Acu point LI4, located midway down the metacarpal bone of the pointer finger. Where the flesh squishes up when you squeeze your thumb and forefinger together

My hand with red and blue smile stickers on the previous two points. The blue one is li4. The red one is li3.

The muppety one@muppetk· Apr 15

But usually, if it’s something like food, you have to grab it fast before other people do. So last year, they offer me paprika Me: awesome, I was running low! *hits accept* Website: error Me: huh. Did that go through? *doublechecks* Website: 6lbs of paprika! Me: WHUT

a freaking gallon of paprika, next to a quart of milk for scale

The muppety one@muppetk· Apr 12

Today’s homemade food win: za’atar labneh balls. Not bad for a first try! Tasty too.

13 yogurt cheese balls in a dark green seasoning covered in oil in a plastic container

The muppety one@muppetk· Apr 9

AT ONE GODDAMN AM LAST NIGHT, THIS IS WHAT MY BRAIN DID TO ME IT CREATED A MOST GEN X MEME If we had internet in the 80s the way we do now? This would ABSOLUTELY have been a thing. (Sorry it’s off center.)

A black and white picture of Christopher Reeve.
Top caption: “SWEET DREAMS ARE MADE OF …”
Bottom caption: “REEVES”

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 19

MY HAT SAYS HELLO

White woman who looks like hammered shit today (and look it has been a day and this is the 8th selfie I tried before giving up) wearing a goofy penguin hat that has a red bow tie

The muppety one@muppetk· Jan 8

Well. It made me giggle anyway? I hope today is better

A bear in full sploot position, captioned “juuuuust let me hibernate please”

The muppety one@muppetk· Jan 1

#YearOfPudding Pudding 2: purple sweet potato much more successful than the last one! PRETTY COLOR IS PRETTY! I would tweak the amount of corn starch slightly next time, but totes worth eating.

A bowl of mulberry purple pudding on a white stand up freezer with some clutter around it.

The muppety one@muppetk· Aug 27

APROPOS OF ABSOLUTELY NOTHING 👀 A friend went IT YOU with this gif today 🤣

A picture of a happy raccoon with a crowbar . Text: some people have guardian angels. I have a raccoon with a crowbar whispering… “Let’s make it worse.”

The muppety one@muppetk· Aug 6

SO many! (You too?) (Here’s one literally within my line of sight. I cannot resist this genre of silk while traveling)

Washed silk scarf dyed in semi random lines (not quite tie die but not far from it) of teal and indigo

The muppety one@muppetk· Jun 26

Remember back in twitter sometimes after 10 minutes you’d feel awful and swear to yourself you need to spend less time on Twitter? Well, I just went to Tumblr for the first time in ages. And after five minutes, I’m like “damn, I need to do this more often!“ Exhibit A

Post from bisexual gender femme:

puppeteers are just mobility aids for muppets tbh

The muppety one@muppetk· Jun 26

I am 99% sure that suffient garlic added to a baked potato soup would basically become a really nice garlic soup. I am 100% sure I will not try it until it cools off. But look. A FLIPPING GALLON OF GARLIC.

White bucket containing a GALLON of dried minced garlic.

The muppety one@muppetk· May 27

Genuinely good gluten free product alert: GoNanas Fudge Brownie Banana Bread mix. No weird textures or flavors, probably because the flour used is oat flour. My only complaint is that the banana flavor is pretty mild but the rest of the flavor and the texture are great. Recommended!

Two packages of GoNanas fudge brownie banana bread mix pic yanked directly from the rainforest site.

The muppety one@muppetk· May 1

Here, have sepia pics with overhead glare

Small orange kitten poking his head out from underneath similarly colored sheets and a patterned blanket

Two orange kittens on a blue-grey and white patterned something. Blanket maybe?

The muppety one@muppetk· Apr 22

OKAY SO SOMEONE SENT ME THIS AND I LAAAAAUGHED

A social media post with 3 images labeled: Fuck, marry, kill

Fuck: a white couch

Marry: a brunette in a blue shirt who I’ve been informed is JD Vance’s wife

Kill: the pope

The muppety one@muppetk· Apr 16

Look Y’all These are HUGE I did not realize how huge WHEN YOU ARE USING A 5 POUND BAG OF FLOUR FOR SCALE INSTEAD OF A BANANA, SOMETHING HAS GONE TERRIBLY WRONG

A jar of Naked Casein protein powder next to a 5 lb bag of flour for scale. THE DAMN THING IS BIGGER THAN THE FLOUR.

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 27

Ah social media. For when you’ve been gifted with the perfect meme for someone(s) and you can’t for anything remember who. 🤦🏻‍♀️ Related, this post

Post by WritesOfNovember

“You look tired”

yeah well the enemies didn’t become lovers until 2am greg

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 22

I keep thinking I don’t have an ounce of American feeling left and then friends show me Paul Hollywood memes and I’m like DAMMIT I AM IN THIS PICTURE

Post from Rock Paper Scissors

me: I feel no special attachment to my american identity

paul hollywood: you see, it's essential to carefully apply the blowtorch around the edges of the s'more-obviously we don't want a gooey mess

me: I must throw him into the boston harbor

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 17

@previewd.bsky.social I just ran across the funniest bug in my YouTube app watching your latest Bluey reaction. I’m pretty sure the chapter title is from one of the million bread making vids I’ve watched, not something you did? But. Hilarious.

Pause hit on Jay and Adam with a chapter title showing at 12:57/34:55, “No Knead Over Night Crusty Loaf”

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 9

I came out tasty, but lackluster looking. I’ve been absurdly cranky about having made a notoriously fancy cake that looked like meh. Pictured here, and note how boring this looks.

A white cake with occasional slices of peach

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 6

Okay I think this should tag both of you who asked? You’ll note that the ones I wrote are verbose AF but YOULL LEARN STUFF whereas the one from my friend looks like it was written by a sane person.

Potato bread

Potato Bread Recipe for the Bread Machine

1 1/2 cups warm milk
4 TBSPS of soft butter (I nuke it 30-60 seconds to get a partial melt)
½ cup potato flakes (30 g)
3 ½ grams cups of all-purpose flour (420 g)
2 TBSPS sugar
1 ¼ tsps. salt
1 ½ tsps. Quick rise yeast

Add in whatever order your machine like. Mine likes it to go in this order:

Liquids
Salt, sugar
Fat
Flour and add ins
Yeast

Settings:
Size: 1.5lbs
Color: I like light but do as you will
Just cook on regular cycle

I got fancy once and did this on the dough cycle, dumped it out on my (lightly floured) cutting board, divided it into 8 pieces, rounded them into rolls, and put them in a Dutch oven. Baked 375° for 40 min. Worked great and not actually a lot of trouble. I’ll be doing that a lot more often. It keeps better (stays fresher) in rolls than in a loaf that gets cut into.

Rich Bread machine recipe

My current favorite, loosely based king Arthur’s English muffin bread, rich like brioche but tang like English muffin

Add to machine in this order
1/4c boiled water
1 tsp cider vinegar
1c milk
1/2 TBSP sugar
1/2 TBSP salt
4 TBSP (1/2 stick) mostly melted butter (stick in microwave 30-60s)
420g (3&1/2cup) flour (all purpose)
1/2 TBSP yeast

Machine settings: 1.5lb loaf, light color

After 5 min, look at dough ball and adjust water and flour if needed, then restart machine, check again in 5 min.

Key to determining if too wet or too dry: you want it to be vaguely tacky but not STICKY. if Sticky (leaves batter on your finger when you poke it) or kind of sticks like batter on the bottom of the machine = too wet, add a spoonful of flour and start the cycle over. If not sticky at all or the ball has a mini ball circling along side it, it’s too dry. Add a tbsp of water and start the cycle over.

BONUS TECHNIQUE: Half way through the final rise (About 1.5 hours after starting on my machine, you can check your manual to figure out when to do it on yours) carefully pull the dough to the side and reach under the dough to pull out the paddle and minimize bottom hole. It will look like it completely deflates. Don’t worry, it’ll come back.

After machine is done, pull out basket with POTHOLDER and turn out bread onto a rack for cooling. Let cool at least 20 min before slicing.

Bread Machine Cinnamon Raisin Bread, sent from a friend

Size 2 Lb. Loaf (I set my mine to 1.5 and it worked fine)

Ingredients:
• 1 cup water
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 3 cups bread flour (I used 360 g regular AP flour)
• 3 tablespoons sugar
• 1 ½/ teaspoons salt
• 2 teaspoons cinnamon
• 2 ½ teaspoons bread machine yeast (I used 1.5 by mistake and liked it that way)
• 1 cup raisins (I soak raisins before making the bread.)

Directions:
1. Place ingredients into the bread machine in order listed. Original recipe calls for raisins to be added when the bread machine beeps to add ingredients, but raisins just end up on outside, not in bread, so I add at the beginning.
2. Program bread machine using the "sweet" bread setting
3. When baking is complete, remove from pan and place on cooling rack. Let cool for 2-3 hours.

The muppety one@muppetk· Feb 6

And now, for the pics or it didn’t happen crowd

A square loaf of bread with darker sides and a few berries and a crack showing in the top. Don’t be fooled, it only looks like it’s whole wheat. That’s all the cinnamon making it that color.

The muppety one@muppetk· Jan 22

SEE. ENJOY THE OBNOXIOUS BOOB LIGHT. AND WONDER WHY THESE WERE EVER IN FASHION.

An extremely tit shaped light. Clear dome, brass ring around the edge, And brass nipple-y center. Clearly in a room that is very cold.

The muppety one@muppetk· Jan 14

All of which is to say, it was only just now, when sibling did the replacement for me, that I realized I’d accidentally gotten headphones in Vassar’s colors, silver and burgundy. IT WAS DEFINITELY NOT ON PURPOSE.

Silver over ear headphones with very burgundy colored ear pieces on a light blue background.

The muppety one@muppetk· Jan 8

Oh hey. I have done the feelings dump and must pay the cute tax. Please enjoy this smol doggo who I saw on the subway on my way to the funeral.

Small tan dog whose face is the only thing peeking out of a large black bag. I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

The muppety one@muppetk· Jan 1

Happy new year! It’s an hour early in this time zone but I’ve been listening to fireworks for hours now, so I feel I can safely post this.

Battered and rusted green high way marker sign with the word LANG written on it. Aka, Old Lang Sign.

The muppety one@muppetk· Dec 17

Content scraping is against the TOS, right? Too bad this one first whole cloth scraped from a friend (picture AND caption, and motherfucker I KNOW that dog) and then followed me. Reported and blocked. YOU DO NOT BLATANTLY STEAL FROM MY FRIENDS. ITS NOT THAT HARD TO JUST REPOST INSTEAD. 😡