Guinness Paltrow

@myfriendkatye

Tampa Bay's safest driver.

236 Folgt573 Follower1.495 Posts

Bluesky

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Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Jul 17

You've made it, boys. They sell your album at Target.

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Jul 13

There are so many colors to choose from why did they do this

A map of the US showing cyclosporiasis cases but all the colors look exactly the same

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Jun 20

Mmhmm.

"The only time republicans don't want kids getting sprayed with bullets is when they're trying to diddle them."

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Jun 7

Because why buy it when you can spend five times as much trying to make it with all the wrong ingredients? She's very good with cocktails tho

My mom saying "Oh wow, I am on veggies until then, saving myself. I hope that cake is not too hard to make. I decided am going to make my own vanilla extract. shut up Katye."

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Jun 7

#neverforget

A text from my mom saying "In honor of my mom's birthday this month,I made my own ginger ale. I don't suggest you do that"

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Jun 7

I think i will make this a running thread of my precious mom's "recipes". Lately I have been helping her with all her dual citizenship paperwork and this morning she sent me this:

A set of messages between my mom and I, with my mom saying "I owe you one big stuffed portobello mushroom with my new invented sauce made with lemon curd"

And me replying "Oh. Um. No really you don't owe me that."

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· May 25

No thank you.

A substack bio for Casey Anthony that reads "Researcher. Consultant. Advocate. Activist. Author. LGBTQIA+ Ally. - We are the Resistance. We do not bow to mediocre white men."

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· May 22

A wild turkey keeps ding dong ditching my parents house and while I sympathize with them, I also think it is very, very funny

A text from my mother that says "ohh my god, the turkey is at my door again.l gotta go

I caught it looking through the glass and it turned around and walked away."

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· May 16

found ur car

Black sedan in a Walgreens parking lot with no rims, a flat tire, and the word "PUSSY" scratched across the passenger door

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· May 4

Omfg her assignment today is to download the "Bobby Approved" app and scan 20 items in our pantry and fridge. Imagine my horror when I initially worried that "Bobby" was RFK Jr, only to learn it is someone, SOMEHOW, far less qualified.

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· May 4

His email reads like some bullshit from the Food Babe.

An email that reads:

During our classroom discussions, the results were staggering: the average 6th grade student here at [school] said they regularly consume 75 out of the top 100 most common ultra-processed foods. We discussed how ten major food conglomerates spend billions of dollars on "food science" to create products designed to override our natural fullness signals-all for profit, often at the expense of our personal health. Most importantly, we introduced the newly released 2025-2030 Dietary Guidelines for Americans.

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· May 1

I've been trying to find some birth certificates online for my mom and yesterday I stumbled upon my grandmother's naturalization paperwork. I've never seen these before, and I cannot get over how much my grandmother looks as though she's about to TEAR UP a 1940s jazz nightclub lmao

A 1952 black and white photograph of a woman in a black coat with perfect glam hair, makeup, and jewelry.

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Apr 22

yeah

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Apr 11

This is the whitest thing I've ever seen come out of my neighborhood

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Mar 29

live look at me today

Irish women assembling molotov cocktails

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Mar 25

Tracey Morgan holding his Reggie Dinkins gold bust

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Mar 22

I get that she was probably *not* in full costume but I can't stop laughing at the idea of a kid needing to stroll past her table to get a closer look and make sure this was Chappell Roan

Chappell Roan in full drag-inspired makeup, hair, and costume

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Mar 14

This is insulting, I know for a fact that snakes do not have arms

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Mar 14

He got hand fillers because everyone made fun of his teeny tiny hands, that's all

Trump looking cold but somehow also very sweaty, with an extremely swollen right hand

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Mar 9

Lmao this started in OCTOBER and we finally got reprimanded by the USPS for someone else's vehicle. 🙃

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Feb 25

This guy was teacher history at a local high school, started being investigated in 2023, his home was raided in May of 2024, and instead of firing him or suspending him, they moved him to district offices. He is Charlie Kirk.

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Feb 19

What he saw:

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Feb 19

Lmao

Guinness Paltrow@myfriendkatye· Feb 6

My mom is cleaning out and she just sent me a photo of her dining room table full of random items, and I couldnt help but zoom in on *this*. What's this? Her pipe from the 70s. What did she use it for? "Home decor".