Natalie Alana Ashton

@natalan

🚊 connecting disabled communities in the North (@transportforall.org.uk) 📚 writing about philosophy, knowledge, social media & social change (nataliealanaashton.notion.site) views mine, not my employer's. she/her.

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Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· 3d

Benjamin Button, a white and grey ragdoll cat with blue eyes, draped around the shoulders of Taylor Swift on her Time 'Person of the Year' cover. She's wearing a black bodysuit and sheer black tights, and holding a dramatic pose.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· 4d

the reliable mess ✌️

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· 7d

i have done no further research, but the thumbnails paint some kind of picture.

search results from the ITVx app. The thumbnails all show either alison hammond or paul o'grady (RIP) holding a small dog. The shows are called: For The Love of Dogs; Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs at Christmas; Paul O'Grady: For the Love of Dogs - A Royal Special; For the Love of Dogs with Alison Hammond at Christmas; and For the Love of Paul O'Grady. And there's an errant Love Island result (featuring no dogs).

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· 16d

for someone who barely drinks anymore i really think im unbeaten at hangover breakfasts. smoked salmon and cream cheese bagel, with capers and lemony dill cucumber ribbons. orange and mango juice. starbar.

the gorgeous, already described breakfast, sitting on a depressing landlord-grey kitchen counter top.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· 22d

Solstice is one of my earliest video game memories, and has an unrivalled expectation/reality disparity between the box art and the character sprite

a game box depicting a very detailed illustration of an absurdly jacked, topless wizard, purple cloak and long blonde hair billowing in the wind.

a faceless, pixelated, purple blob, not much more than a pointy wizard's hat with feet sticking out of the bottom.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 13

meeting the 20ft mega sloth would fix me

illustration of a big chunky sloth shown next to a human silhouette for scale. it's over twice the human's height.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 11

just popped into a little neighborhood cafe for a fancy pastry, then saw a line of grandpas in sharp summer suits on a bench near the boules club, Sheffield is the Paris of Northern England

a little paper coffee cup with a hand-drawn illustration of a pigeon printed on the side. in the background is a sunny, view of a greenery, hills, and a blue sky.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 8

real ones know

a little yellow emoji guy reaching it's hands out and up for a floating drop of blood, with a thoroughly delighted expression.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 6

the traffic warden from Threads (1984) who has bandages with eye holes covering the top two thirds of his face.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 6

tbf she's beautiful

a life-sized miffy mascot, dressed as the girl with the pearl earring. she's holding her hands together in front of her very demurely, and her head is cocked slightly to one side.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 4

though i admit this was a blow even to me

a news update reading "Adam Sandler officiates Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce wedding".

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 1

some very evocative Little Guys from the weston park museum in sheffield

a clay figure with pupil-less eyes and a surprised mouth, wrapped in a woven cloth.

an almost spherical jug with a face painted on the front, and a long cylindrical spout coming out of its forehead and pointing almost directly upwards.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 1

i was a bridesmaid at a wedding in the Cathedral Cave at Dan yr Ogof. they have to temporarily divert the waterfalls as the bride enters

a boardwalk across an underground lake, in a cave with stalactites hanging from the ceiling.

a dramatically lit cave with a high, domed ceiling. there are more underground lakes, and waterfalls pouring from the walls.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jul 1

ice cream sandwich please. im always hoping for one these but they're a rare pull

a maxibon icecream - one end ice-cream sandwich, the other end ice-cream coated in chocolate and nuts.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 27

here we go again

a painting by Francine Van Hove. a long limbed woman wrapped in a towel, with another towel on her hair, sits in a garden with her feet in a round, metal tray of water that's reflecting the sky. another woman stands by holding a large jug. there are towels scattered around on the floor. it's called "Les pieds dans les nuages", from 2006.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 25

"faded grandeur" is my new favourite aesthetic

a row of pastel coloured chimneys poking out from behind a rose bush, behind a big stone gate post.

sean day next to me on a park bench, filling in a crossword.

me on a sandy beach, a bit tired and sunburnt, but smiling, with a flaming orange sunset behind me.

the same flaming orange sunset, behind grassy sand dunes tracked with many sets of footprints.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 25

someone who works at the telegraph, probably

screenshots from mad max where immortan joe is stood with his hand on the big "waterfall on/off" switch, saying "Do not, my friends, become addicted to water. It will take hold of you and you will resent its absence".

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 23

we're on holiday in a little seaside town that i picked after i saw someone on tripadvisor describe it as having "faded grandeur"

sean sitting a breakfast table in a georgian hotel. his face is hidden by a folded newspaper, as he's intently studying the crossword.

a pastel green georgian building with shutters peeking out from behind a hedge, under a very blue sky.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 18

not too fat, chairs too small

old tweet of mine: "sorry but your bus can't be that 'mega' if my hips don't fit into the seat".

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 7

@seanmorl.com has finally convinced me to watch Dune. ive made sand popcorn with worms hiding in it.

a bowl of popcorn, choc pretzels, marshmallows, and gummy worms.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· Jun 4

i think we moved on from the emoji kitchen too quickly. some of these are amazing

an emoji face sobbing uncontrollably as it's picked up with enormous chopsticks.

a DNA strand emoji being inspected with a magnifying glass emoji which reveals that it's composed of dozens of tiny sobbing face emojis.

an open filing cabinet with a sobbing face emoji tucked in amongst the files.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 30

just ate a ripe nectarine by a river and feel like i'll never be stressed again

my hand holding up a partially eaten nectarine, against a backdrop of an out of focus river shaded by green trees, and a muddy bank dappled with sunlight. the corner of the blue towel ive laid out is visible in the foreground.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 27

signets are perfect little fluff balls and coot chicks are, regrettably, very ugly 🪶

two white swans on a sunny pond, flanking half a dozen grey-white signets. they look so soft and round, like little cotton balls.

a coot and two chicks on a sunny pond. the coots are scrawny and they've got spiky red heads where their feathers are sticking in all directions. they were making a really persistent racket.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 24

i got some of these because i saw a really dapper muslim grandad buying them, and i think grandads know their desserts. ...they're really good. knew he had taste.

a box of malai flavoured "Kulfi ice milk lollies" made with almonds and pistachios.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 22

accidentally ended up on a livestock website and now ive fallen in love with a piglet called Beautiful Kiwi

screenshot of a listing showing a piglet with a muddy, hairy snout. his name is given as Beautiful Kiwi (bordered with pig, kiwi, and blue heart emojis). he's 3 weeks old and listed for £200.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 22

heatwave snack plates for dinner are back baby

blue plate filled with crackers, crudités, cheese, hummus, relish, plus a lil bowl of fruit and a lil bowl of the weird 'tuna pate' my aunt used to make in the 90s.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 21

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 15

yeah it's really fun. also:

a tweet i posted years ago. 4 screenshots of a very bright orange/blue desert scene with fast cars kicking up dust. tweet reads "the desert race scene in Speed Racer (2008) is the spiritual prequel to Mad Max: Fury Road (2015)".

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 15

i went along with someone else semi-reluctantly and it blew my head off. i went again by myself a few days later and almost went a third time. then eventually saw the "black and chrome" director's cut in the courtyard of a former slaughterhouse in vienna. it's just so so good.

a slightly gothic-looking brick building with an industrial chimney. the lower third is covered in a red and white graffiti mural that kind of looks like flames.

cinema screen under a clear summer evening sky, with dozens of occupied deck chairs facing it.

furiosa in screen in black and grey shades, against a bright white background. it's dark so the foreground completely black, except for a few areas reflecting the light from the screen.

Natalie Alana Ashton@natalan· May 13

Finally, recognition for my philosophical work on ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠diagnosing dogs with concurrent intracardiac shunts.