Noah Diamond

@noahdiamond

Writer, performer, designer, Groucho Marxist. Projects: Pintele, I'll Say She Is, Marx Brothers Council Podcast, Marxfest. Author: Gimme a Thrill, Love Marches On, 400 Years in Manhattan. noahdiamond.com illsaysheis.com marxbrotherscouncilpodcast.com

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Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· 11h

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jul 21

The new 3D version of the Marx Brothers' greatest work on film, ANIMAL CRACKERS, includes a new commentary track by @marxbrotherscouncilpodcast.com's Matthew Coniam, Bob Gassel, and me! Available on Blu-ray, DVD, and digital download from Eyepop-3D. I like it so much I even designed the packaging.

An advertisement for Eyepop-3D's new release of The Marx Brothers' ANIMAL CRACKERS (1930).

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jul 16

This is a photograph of illegitimate American "president" Donald Trump, with a cable news chyron that says "BREAKING NEWS: STUPID ASSHOLE SAYS IDIOTIC THING. EVERYONE ELSE TO REPEAT IT FOR NEXT THREE DAYS."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Apr 20

What I love most about Schmigadoon is that it shows how parody can achieve emotional resonance. It's a clever, hilarious, metatheatrical parody, AND a sincere, deeply affecting example of the thing that's being parodied! Brilliant work by @cincopaul.bsky.social, delivered by a knockout cast.

A photo of the Playbill for Schmigadoon at the Nederland Theatre

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Mar 22

Well, my friends, it is once again March 22 -- the day we all come together to acknowledge the birthday of both Chico Marx and Stephen Sondheim.

SWEENEY: Say, you look exactly like a fellow I used to know, by the name of Daniel O'Higgins. Are you his brother?

PIRELLI: I am Adolfo Pirelli.

SWEENEY: You are Adolfo Pirelli?

PIRELLI: I am Adolfo Pirelli.

SWEENEY: Well, no wonder you look like Daniel O'Higgins.

PIRELLI: Now, for pulling a tooth, I get a hundred dollars.

SWEENEY: What do you get for not pulling a tooth?

PIRELLI: You couldn't afford it. You see, if I no pull a tooth...

(Sweeney murders Pirelli with a straight razor.)

SWEENEY: Hey, I think I give one snoop too much.

noahdiamond.com

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Mar 16

DEATH IN THE CATSKILLS is the dramatic work of historical fiction which occurs at the end of PINTELE 5, and you can listen to it right now, wherever you listen to PINTELE 5! www.noahdiamond.com/pintele

Publicity artwork for DEATH IN THE CATSKILLS, a segment within PINTELE PART 5. The image shows a lake in the Catskill Mountains, under a dusky sky. Against a black background, white letters in the font Windsor Light Condensed (iconic from the credits of Woody Allen films) say: "Death in the Catskills. Part of Pintele Part 5: The Old Jewish Man of Unity." noahdiamond.com/pintele

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jan 26

Save the date: February 12 - the Series Premiere of PINTELE! The first chapter will be available Thursday, February 12, with a new chapter every Thursday through the end of March. And as soon as today, you can find PINTELE wherever you get your podcasts, and subscribe now! noahdiamond.com/pintele

This is a text-heavy graphic explaining the release schedule for the upcoming audio series PINTELE.

Part 1: Straight Outta Anatevka - February 12
Part 2: God and Other Gods - February 19
Part 3: A Very Brody Passover - February 26
Part 4: You Ain't Heard Nothin' Yet - March 5
Part 5: The Old Jewish Man of Unity - March 12
Part 6: Tyrants Disappearing - March 19
Part 7: Next Year in Manhattan - March 26

Find it wherever you get your podcasts, and at noahdiamond.com/pintele

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Dec 25

A Visit from the Marx Brothers
Noah Diamond after Clement Clarke Moore

‘Twas the night before Christmas, with no waxing wroth.
Not a creature was stirring, not even a left-handed moth.
The posters that hung on the walls sure impressed:
Monkey Business, The Cocoanuts - even Go West.
The children were wild, eating crackers in beds,
while barrels of smoked herring danced in their heads.
And Minnie and I sang a couple of numbers
before we retired to our long winter slumbers,
when out on the sidewalk arose such a clamor,
we knew it was Wagstaff, or Firefly, or Hammer.
Away to the window I flew in a dash,
like a flute - no, a flush - no, a fish - no, a flash.
Surveying the scene, I called out to the others,
“I know in a moment it must be the Brothers!”
And riding like fury, with Ethyl or Mabel,
they appeared like a vision, profoundly unstable.
“On, Pinky! On, Rusty! On, Stuffy! Professor!
On, Wacky!” (And isn’t that Lassparri’s dresser?)
The apartment was suddenly full of these fellows -
Pirellis, Ravellis, Tonys, Fiorellos!
And even, with all the odd grace of a shamisen,
a mild-mannered lackey who called himself Jamison.
They got right to work, spinning laughter and tunes;
they refilled our hearts and they stole all our spoons.
And soon they departed, as fast as they came,
off to cheer up the world and continue the game.
But I heard them exclaim, over all our applause,
“Now, let’s not lose our heads - there’s a Sanity Clause!”

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Dec 21

Print and post on the restroom, port-a-potty, stall, or outhouse of your choice!

An illustration showing a plaque which reads: "The Donald J. Trump Memorial Shithole."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Nov 26

ATTENTION WORLD-WEARY SOPHISTICATES! @kabiehl.bsky.social, @brettnyc.bsky.social, @jonnyporkpie.bsky.social & I are purveying exquisitely-designed apparel like this Beautiful Pickle Tee, the perfect gift for that half-sour someone. Thru 12/1, 10% off everything at 7centnickel.com with code NICKEL10.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Oct 11

A drawing by Noah Diamond depicting Diane Keaton in the iconic costume from her first scene in ANNIE HALL (1977). The drawing is dated October 11, 2025.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Sep 19

It's too bad -- I was enjoying some Disney/ABC/Hulu content, and looking forward to more. But I won't miss it nearly as much as I miss democracy and the U.S. Constitution.

A screenshot showing the cancellation of a Disney+ subscription, due to Disney/ABC's capitulation to the fascist Trump regime.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Sep 18

New York Daily News, July 19, 1937 and July 7, 1940.

A New York Daily News headline from July 19, 1937: "Hitler Ridicules Art Not Painted by Nazis." The first two paragraphs of the article go on to state that Hitler has "announced his Nazi regime would eradicate ruthlessly the last vestiges of the former 'degenerated' era in Germany's artistic life."

A headline from the New York Daily News, July 7, 1940: "Hitler Press Lauds Hitler." The brief article goes on to state that "German editors outdid themselves in finding phrases of tribute for Adolf Hitler today on his return to the capital," and then quotes from German newspaper articles calling Hitler "uniter of our nation and creator of our Reich" and more.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Sep 6

I wonder what ever became of me. I should have been back here a long time ago! -- at the Al Jolson Festival with Jan Hernstat and friends.

Noah Diamond as Groucho Marx, September 6, 2025

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Aug 10

I'm really looking forward to Duck Soup at the Sphere.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jul 18

EVERY day is Stop Giving Money to Fascists Day!

The image is a screen grab of my subscription cancellation from the Paramount Plus website. When asked my reason for cancelling, I've selected "Other (provide feedback below)," and written in the provided text field: "I am cancelling my subscription because of CBS/Paramount/Skydance's despicable and cowardly acts of surrender to the criminal, fascist regime of Donald Trump. I hope you eventually learn to regret your role in the death of the American republic."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jul 4

"Remember, there's nothing like Liberty." There's Nothing Like Liberty: The Marx Brothers and America (2021): www.youtube.com/live/rRXnRQB...

Publicity artwork for the 2021 streaming presentation "There's Nothing Like Liberty: The Marx Brothers and America," showing the faces of the Four Marx Brothers on Mount Rushmore.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Apr 30

This is just for kicks.

This is an iconic still from THE KARATE KID (1984), altered to show Groucho Marx performing the "crane kick" on the beach with Ralph Macchio.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Apr 1

I'm proud to be a member of the good party and not the evil one.

A screen shot of Senator Cory Booker's historic filibuster.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Mar 22

Well, my friends, it is once again March 22 -- the day we all come together to acknowledge the birthday of both Chico Marx and Stephen Sondheim.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Mar 2

Thanks to the great generosity of friend and Marx Brothers aficionado Lewis Stone, I am now the proud custodian of an authentic period pith helmet -- and jodhpurs (not pictured). So who wants to do ANIMAL CRACKERS?!

A photo of Noah in his apartment wearing a pith helmet.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Feb 28

A wire service photo of Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Feb 20

I collaborated with Akhil Gupta on some political cartoons back in October of 2020. We certainly didn't want them to increase in relevance.

The image is a political cartoon. Vladimir Putin sits on a golden throne while a bloated, balding Donald Trump with tiny extremities kneels before him. They're surrounded by chaos: the U.S. Constitution is on fire; the State of Liberty is wrapped in caution tape, and the remains of a burnt and tattered American flag lie on the ground. A banner below the image says: "PROMISES KEPT." The cartoon is drawn by Noah Diamond from an idea by Akhil Gupta.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Feb 6

And then there was the time when "a German radio commentator, in a statement believed to have been written by Propaganda Minister Gobbels, said that Adolf Hitler had been saved from assassination by a Divine miracle last July." (New York Daily News, April 14, 1945)

A partial clipping of a New York Daily News article from April 14, 1945. The headline is "Divinity Saved Hitler, Killed F.D.R.: Berlin." The text of the article reads, in part: "A German radio commentator, in a statement believed to have been written by Propaganda Minister Gobbels, said that Adolf Hitler had been saved from assassination by a Divine miracle last July and that another such miracle had struck the President dead."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Feb 5

Looks like the boss is testing the new driverless cybertruck. (New York Daily News, April 9, 1945)

A news photo from 1945 shows a horse-drawn wagon, with the caption: "In Grossauheim, Germany, dead Nazi soldiers lie in wagon, one with his arm raised in what looks like a Nazi salute. Town was captured by 3d Army."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jan 20

May the tyrant fail.

May he fail so spectacularly that he is crushed by the weight of his failure, so all that remains is a small stain which can be hidden with an area rug.

May his collaborators and supporters come to their senses, renounce their party, and spend the rest of their lives apologizing, in song, for their grotesque mistake.

May we celebrate the dissolution of the Republican Party, and may a true conservative party rise in its place. That party will be wrong about everything and opposed by most people, but it will be a legitimate party earnestly advocating bad policies, not a malicious hate group committed to the persecution of the vulnerable and the destruction of democracy.

May the tyrant trip over his shoelaces and fall down the stairs.

May he run into a glass door, believing it to be open.

After rising and composing himself, may he run into the glass door a second time, again believing it to be open. May he repeat this several more times, growing ever more enraged.

Wow, again? He just keeps - oof. This is getting hard to watch.

Okay, I think maybe someone should try to stop him.

Or just open the door.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jan 20

The image shows New York Daily News and New York Times headlines from January 31, 1933, reporting on Adolf Hitler becoming chancellor of Germany. The Daily News headline is "Labor War Near as Hitler Takes Helm in Germany," along with a photo of Hitler captioned "Handsome Adolf in Power." The Times headline is "Hitler Made Chancellor of Germany But Coalition Cabinet Limits Power; Centrists Hold Balance in Reichstag."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jan 20

Thank you, President Biden. It's been wonderful having a real president for four years. You have been sincere, thoughtful, and well-intentioned. We'll miss that -- even those of us too addled to realize it will miss it.

A press photo of President Joe Biden sitting at the Resolute Desk in the Oval Office, January 2025.

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jan 16

A still showing David Lynch as Agent Gordon Cole in an episode of "Twin Peaks: The Return." There's a subtitle with the line of dialogue (spoken to a transgender character played by David Duchovny): "And when you became Denise, I told all your colleagues, those clown comics, to fix their hearts or die."

Noah Diamond@noahdiamond· Jan 14

"Special Counsel Report Says Trump Would Have Been Convicted in Election Case" www.nytimes.com/2025/01/14/u... (I've posted this image to prevent the Times preview from showing you a photo of that despicable criminal's grotesque face.)