Caro (Orchid)

@orchidaexa

🔞 I RESKEET PORN! 🔞 Stream of consciousness type of shit. If you're following me for political reasons I'm sorry about the porn. Unhinged monsterfucker and smut peddler 🪄 They/Them ✨

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Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jul 20

Bamboo perfectly showing my face when I stared at his X rays and realised that this guy is gonna cost me so much goddamned money

A photo of a black and white tuxedo cat, using a fish eye lens. He has white whiskers, a fang showing, and a perturbed expression on his face.

A cat chest x ray, showing thickened broncho and alveolar patterns, as well as a slightly enlarged heart

Two side on X rays, showing a "fluffy" look to the lungs, thickened broncho and alveolar patterns, and a slightly enlarged heart.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jul 15

It's balloon day!!!! And I got another tattoo

A photo showing two different people's legs. One has a tattoo of a drippy heart saying "awake and unafraid" the other has a drippy heart saying "asleep or dead", sandwiched between two other greyscale tattoos

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jul 14

Hmmmm I think this could work as a colour combo tbh pantonecolors.net/pantone-birt...

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jul 2

I love supporting local businesses but I especially love supporting my buddies food stuff

A bowl of red pepper, feta and pesto Mac and cheese with a fork stuck into it upright, topped with parmesan, chives, parsley, red chilli flakes, jalapenos and crispy onions, held out in front of a yellow food truck.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· May 4

Identification notes: it's may and still about 10-12 inches tall. Member of the carrot family, so has carrot shaped leaves (many heavily notched leaflets from a stem), with stems radiating from a central point. Splotched purple stem- young stems may be more green, older stems may be more purple.

Photo showing a person holding a poison hemlock stem, pointing the leaves towards camera

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· May 3

Living out my best cottage core life sometimes involves the worst jobs- like cleaning up the haunted shack at the bottom of my garden

Before picture: an image of a shack, with rotting reeds attached to the front and sagging roof. There is a large pine tree to the left and an overgrown privet hedge to the right.

After image 1: shack still has a sagging roof held up by scaffolding poles but the reeds have been removed. Two chairs are inside the shack on the very left. A Christmas reindeer decoration is at the back on a shelf, along with several storage boxes. The paved floor is freshly swept.

After image 2, from a different angle: shack still has a sagging roof held up by scaffolding poles but the reeds have been removed. Two chairs are inside the shack on the very left. A Christmas reindeer decoration is at the back on a shelf, along with several storage boxes. The paved floor is freshly swept.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Apr 22

To which I finally asked on a one card yes or no "fine fuck you should I go to grief counselling will that make you happy" and pulled this bitch. "Hey it's the first step in a journey" my tarot deck is a pain in the ass

On an oval yellow foot stool there is a deck of tarot cards lying cross wise, back side up. There is one card lying lengthways, face up. It is the Fool, card 0 of the majority arcana, and is represented by a badger headed man trudging through snow, carrying a puffin and being heckled by a magpie

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Apr 13

Bless @kentuckymanpain.bsky.social for blessing me with some dandelion honey after we shucked so SO many dandelions the other night

My hand holding a jar of golden liquid, labelled dandelion honey spring 26.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Apr 11

It is also four years and 5 days since poppy was so ill that I thought she might die, and I'm happy to say she's still here. Still potato shaped. Really doing really well and the vets are great at working with me ❤️

A tortoiseshell cat glaring balefully at the camera standing side on. Her stomach is round, her front legs are shorter than her back legs, and her head is smaller than expected for the size of her body. Her tail is held down at a slight angle and her back fluff is ruffled.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Apr 7

Anyway the horrors persist but I got a red panda squishmallows cat bed so I think this proves I might win against the horrors

A black and white tuxedo cat all curled up inside a bright reddish-pink pet bed, that has the face of a smiley red panda and floppy white ears

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Apr 6

Smash

Mango cheesecake with a mango jelly topping, in the middle of the debris from making it

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 21

PLANTED!!!! is she in the perfect spot? Ehhhhhhh. BUT I gave her a long soak, a well mixed compost/soil mix, and a good watering. She'll get the morning sun every morning!

Rose planted next to a downpipe at the front of my house, in a patch of soil next to a concrete pathway. There are only 3 stems poking out the ground, and none have leaves yet.

A rose stem with a fresh green nubbin poking through at a joint. The stem is a dark red colour. To ensure the camera focus on the nubbin, I have placed my hand behind the rose stem.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 20

Mary Delaney! In love with her flowers tbh

A photo of pink roses, taken from the David Austin website. The variety shown is Mary Delaney, with ruffley darker pink centres that fades to a very pale pink at the edges with slightly pointed petals.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 20

SHES HERE

A picture of me holding a bag at arms length. The bag is brown and says David Austin in green, and has roses outlined in green

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 18

It's a great day for birding in my garden according to Merlin

Screenshot showing the birds recorded on a sound recording by merlin bird id
March 18- Staffordshire, England, GB
Eurasian blue tit
European robin
Great tit
Common chiffchaff
Eurasian wren
Eurasian blackcap
Green-winged teal
Eurasian magpie
Eurasian blackbird
Eurasian coot
European goldfinch
Dunnock

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 10

ALAS it's a shame because this is a really good looking independent and they do some unusual scents! They even have one called origami that's supposed to invoke the scent of a Japanese forest after a plane crash

Rook perfumes suede held against the scent notes.
Scent notes:
Top: suede
Middle: tobacco leaf
Base: leather

Rook perfumes rook held against the scent notes
Scent notes:
Top: birch tar, tobacco
Middle: castoreum (synthetic), Indian cardamom, ginger, civet (synthetic), agarwood (pud)
Base: incense, ambrette, ambergris and guaiac wood

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 8

They're so cute

The winner of best in show at crufts, clumber spaniel Bruin and his handler Lee Cox

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 7

This website reminds me of like. Ancient internet.

Screenshot from youraislopbores.me
I asked for a drawing of a big titty werewolf, and received a big titty werewolf

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 7

This is frying me holy shit

Screenshot from youraislopbores.me
I asked "how many fish are in the sea"
"Ai" responded "0 if I have anything to say about it"

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Mar 4

This is a hilarious image to me because my mum's cat, Charlie, jumps out of the bushes and scares dogs and you mean to tell me this idiot is on the same level as Izzy hands? 😭

A black and white cat rolled onto his back while getting his head rubbed, showing off his fluffy white belly

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 27

STOP PERCEIVING ME ACTUAL PUBLIC FIGURES

A screenshot that reads: Zack Polanski liked your post (5m)
LAST LEG! LAST LEG TONIGHT BOYS

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 26

The bastards are BACK

Slightly blurred mosquito on a white Cork background but a great view of the thorax markings

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 17

If this doesn't turn out incredible tomorrow you have full permission to come knock me out

Braised duck crown and legs on a baking tray

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 16

Fuck you all I just butchered a duck to make crispy duck for pancakes tomorrow!!!! Hiding behind graphic media in case you don't want to see the half butchered duck btw

A half butchered duck on a green cutting board whilst I contemplate how it's going to fit in a blue Dutch oven beside it. The duck seems to be twice the length of the pot. Two knives sit next to it.

Butchered duck sitting in the Dutch oven!!

Butchered duck and a dark liquor surrounding it so it can braise slowly. Scallions and spices are floating in the liquor

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 15

This sign cracks me up every time I drive past it

Red road sign in front of a brick wall that reads in white writing "dead slow"

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 8

I love these posters so much

Framed posters one under the other on the floor. Both are species of special concern posters from the non-native species secretariat. The top one is Invasive non-native plants of Special Concern, the bottom one is Invasive non-native animals of special concern.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Feb 2

I haven't shown y'all my fridge to do list yet and I have to say, this is a way better to do list method than I've previously had (even if the pens don't wipe off well)

A fridge with some magnets on and writing in different coloured whiteboard pens.
Top right, pink pen: list of use by dates on items.
Mince 6/2
Ready meals 4/2+4/2+5/2
Sausages 5/2
Boursin 2/2
Middle, red pen: medication days for my cat
Poppy Chlorambucil
Every 3 days
2x 7 day Calendar with dates written in
Bottom, purple pen, to do list:
Unload washing machine
Pick up cat litter and buy cat food
Pick up bedside tables
Hang cow pic
Tidy bedroom
Hoover stairs and landing

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jan 27

Mother I see FISH

A tuxedo cat stares into the open flap at the top of a fish tank

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jan 22

The funniest possible response I've seen to a post about the green party getting elected to a council seat in a byelection

Facebook comment (cropped) says:
The green party are an alliance between islam and communism. Clearly the all white rural population of Horsley need a spot of diversity injected into the area and some property redistribution to see what they voted for.

Caro (Orchid)@orchidaexa· Jan 13

Someone hold me back I cannot fight the engagement bait on tiktok that will only give it engagement!!!!!! (She is putting magnetic shelves on the fridge)