Donald J. Drumpf
@realdonaldrumpf
Now on Bluesky! The original Drumpf on Twitter 2013-24. Named one of the best Trump parodies by Time, Wired, Mashable, etc. buymeacoffee.com/realdonaldrumpf and
Today's job report is a total fucking disaster & we could be facing another crash. We are losing jobs when we need over 300K new jobs a month. Who the fuck is in charge!?!?!?!?
We eliminated all the DEI hires and now we rely on "White Excellence" and ChatGPT!
If the Senate does not vote immediately to protect my $1.8B slush fund and give me full protection for all my past and future tax fraud, I will withdraw the nomination of Todd Blanche and the entire billionaire Epstein Class will be deprived of the "fixer" they desperately need!
The Iran War was a big success. "Epstein and Trump" Google searches crashed b 95%. But now that I've been humiliated by running out of missiles, I need a new distraction!
The Crown Prince of Saudi Arabia is very upset with me for refusing to honor the INCREDIBLE DEAL I signed with him yesterday! I told him that's not how deals work!! He said yes it is. I said I have to go because the doctor's here for my cognitive test and then it's nap time.
Sorry about your gas prices, your grocery bills, and your 401(k)s, but I rotated back into oil stocks at the start of June, so I'm doing fine!
REPORT THE FACTS! I'm not just sending gas prices soaring and crashing the economy. I've also killed 18 U.S. service members in my illegal war. Don't forget that!
I was for impeaching a president for lying us into war before I was against it!
So-called @houstonchronicle.com says Texas should not vote for a self-serving crook. Ridiculous! They love me in Texas!
I DO NOT CARE ABOUT THE FINANCES OF THE AMERICAN PEOPLE! I HAVE AN ARC DE TRUMP TO BUILD!
No gas? No groceries? No problem! I'm happily spending your money on all these vanity projects!
I have instructed JD Vance to stay in Washington DC to negotiate an end to the war with Algaeria.
Hilarious moment at the G7. I said "I'm the boss!" and Macron replied, "Shut up, piggy!" All good fun!
I am pleased to announce a spectacular new deal with Iran that makes everything worth it! #winning
In the absence of any professional singers, the Freedom 250 concert will now feature a Lip-Sync Battle between me, Pete Hegseth, Kash Patel, JD Vance, Little Marco and RFK, Jr. Thank you for your attention to this matter!
Kash Patel is smart! His girlfriend can't be holding another man's hand if she's sitting in a Classified briefing about drug trafficking!
Being FBI Director has allowed Kash Patel to cross so many priceless travel experiences off his taxpayer-funded bucket list!
Everybody agrees with me that it's OK for Americans to suffer financially. Putin agrees. Xi agrees. And I know the Iranians are very happy that Americans are suffering terribly. I've seen their Lego videos.
FIRE JIMMY KIMMEL! ARREST JAMES COMEY! MAKE COMEDY LEGAL AGAIN!
Obama's deal with Iran was very boring! Just what you'd expect from someone who never won the FIFA Peace Prize!