If anyone needs me, I'll be on the floor in a corner with a large fork and a small towel. Stay back.

I feel this all the time

yep

Underappreciated and misunderstood

I was excited about the return of McDonald's fried apple pies until I read the nutrition label. This oughtta hold me for several months.

Anyone up for homemade fartwaffles? Open a window and grab a plate.

Some people are never satisfied

Name a TV show you're positive no one remembers but you. (I'm nowhere near positive, but it's a contender)

At the Reflecting Pool, and guys, this doesn't look right

I think we can all relate

Follow me for more exercise hacks

"I think about you when I'm not even thinking." Beautiful.

Woke up, made biscuits, ate biscuits, took nap. Life is good.

Please respect my decision

Silly mermaid

Same tbh

Took me longer than I'd like to admit

I believe "normal" is the word you're looking for

It's not as funny when you know that "fruit" is a scientific term, while "vegetable" isn't.

I think we're all way too familiar with this

Maybe it stands for "Exhibitionist Traveler" you don't know

#superheroproblems

How'd you know my passion? I think I'll go lie down for a few weeks.

I don't have a bird feeder. I'm staring down random squirrels.

Alternate film endings

You might have to squint to see this one

The power of punctuation