A firework up my hoop please. Not got much on today which makes it harder to get going. Housework’s all done. Plumber’s coming tomorrow to install a new waste pipe. The highlight of my week. I really hope he’s hot so I can stand around in my babydoll neglige and offer him cups of tea.

Universal Credit claiming that my tenancy agreement which clearly states the landlord’s name and address, my address, the amount of rent I pay and when I pay it ON THE FIRST PAGE, isn’t enough. They need to know my landlord’s name, address, my address, how much rent I pay and when.

I bought a handheld steamer because there’s nowhere good to store an ironing board and iron. Quite impressed. No-drip my arse but it died actually make clothes look better. Plus kinky sex toy…

Sat opposite a hot bear wearing a Nasty Pig cap in a cafe in Stockport. Mistook him for @themoodybear.bsky.social . Apologies! Trying to catch his eye but it’s not happening.

Well I have woken up feeling less stuffed up and like someone has removed all the moisture from my skull. Progress! I had best do some of that housework I didn’t do all weekend then.

Summer cold is kicking my fat, white, hairy butt! Off to the Spar for some Lemsip and am aspirational lifestyle magazine.

First lurgy in the new place. Reckon I caught it at the gym. Send nudes, please.

Exciting* news! The black general household bin was collected! And the landlord has unequivocally okayed the waste pipe going in! I thought it was going to be Fat Chance Friday but I think it might be Fresh Cottons Friday very soon! * this is all I have now. #FCF

Okay, am I mad? Got three quotes from professional plumbers. All said an external waste pipe needs to be fitted - to the outside of the building - so I triple-checked that the landlord is okay with this bearing in mind I am paying for it and am determined for it to be a good job done.

Jockstrap recommendations for the gym, please! So not ‘sexytime’ ones but also not the ones that look like sumo gear. I need to move in then without chafing or cutting my balls off.

Hurry up Sky engineer!

Aaaaaaaaaargh! Washing machine turned up. We looked at the pipes properly - there’s no power supply nearby and the waste pipe is all the way over by the sink. Plus I feel like an idiot for not noticing that. To be fair it’s been a long time since I’ve had to.

Did one of those height/weight/BMI machines. 6’3” 117.3kg - I am not surprised as in the last fortnight I have wolfed down three whole packets of biscuits by myself. I think that’s 700g since last time, around the end of June. 18st 6lbs. 28.2% body fat - ideal range is 18.6% - 27.5%.

In more positive news I went back to the gym today and had a solid leg workout. Took it a little easy - also this PureGym is on two levels and has way more equipment - and felt so much better for it.

Somebody had switched the Sun off this morning so now I’m caught in the sweltering heat in my Levis. Oh yes and lugging a newly-bought stepladder about because the curtains are coming this afternoon!

Morning! Still haven’t had a wank in the new place, far too busy. So this is what happens when I’m not touching myself / being touched on a regular basis. #FCF

Sorting out life without an internet connection sucks.

First night in the new place. Mysteries to solve include ‘exactly WHICH bills are included’ ‘Are the decorators who have left orange dust and random bits of decorating paraphernalia in the kitchen and lounge coming to clean up and retrieve them?’ ‘Will I be able to get voile for the massive bay?’

Well of course I’m up! Tbh surprised I slept at all. For I am excited, more than apprehensive. At last (through years of hard work and toil - like all good overnight successes) a path appears in all that mental fog. Me. Capable. Knowing who I am. No longer apologising for taking up space.

“The Sun’s still shining in the big blue sky but it don’t mean nothing to me.”

Oh no! The removals guy is a bit hot! Obvs nice arms but nice chest too. “Do I know you from somewhere?” Glad I didn’t blurt out ‘Did I give you a blowjob at 2am on the Seafront about 15 years ago?’ in response.

For the Bluesky peeps on here worried that there seems to be a rise in anti-Gay stuff on other social media. There is of course BUT your energy is wasted being angry about it. When Trump told Meta to let us be called mentally ill without any pushback it was yet another way to beat us up.

Dear Modern Society, Don’t make me use an Authenticator app to access my account for video card drivers and then refuse to recognise the six digit code I just had to enable on said app only for your shitty website to say ‘invalid code’. I do not feel safer.

Come on, rain dammit! Hurl it down! *melts* We are not due any rain down here at any point in the next seven days.

Closest thing to a football song you’ll ever hear me singing. No idea why they got the name of the song wrong tho 🤷🏼‍♂️

Another email from the letting agents saying that Friday is okay to go ahead actually so I’ve just channelled the poison rising from my core to craft a carefully-worded email to let them know that the new date of the 22nd July is the one I shall be moving in to the property on.

Here, have this (have I already seen this today on Bluesky?):

Last in-person therapy session with the counsellor I’ve been seeing since 2020! This felt like an appropriate title of track for the occasion. Also I’ve been singing it since Monday night.

So me moving this Friday is definitely not happening. No idea if this is a legality with HMOs but the reason is that work needs to be carried out on the kitchen. 🤷🏼‍♂️ But the letting agents aren’t understanding why I’d want a concrete day to move in on so I am calling them today.

Emailed the letting agents today concerned that I haven’t had my contract through. Apparently a bigger fan is needed (🤷🏼‍♂️) but the contractor is on annual leave so we’ll know by Wednesday if I can move in. No one has told me work needed doing to the place.