Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard

@zahra-the-bard

frequently cliche transgender menace • burnt out former academic • writer/musician/voice actress • giant robot enthusiast

401 Folgt416 Follower1.079 Posts

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Ist das dein Profil?Übernimm es — dann gehört dir zahra-the-bard.dirty.social.Profil übernehmen

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· 27d

HUMAN ARTISTS OF EARTH! Use only one photograph of tiny painted toy soldiers to convince people to follow.you!

Fourteen various BattleTech miniatures set up on and around some papercraft buildings. They're all painted up in different pride flag colorways and they all look pretty gay AND badass!

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jul 2

From 1989's Warrior: Coupé, by Michael Stackpole! More nerd novels need oblique Peter Weller cameos, in my opinion (hint hint!)

Kym nodded distractedly as she looked around the lab
Four rows of slate-topped lab tables ran the length of the room. On the far wall, over a sink, a peg-rack had been filled with test tubes and beakers. Workbenches with countless devices, from scanning positron microscopes to bipolar spectral digitizers, lined the long wall facing her and took up space on the exterior wall as well. Strange symbols and equations written in various colors of chalk covered the blackboard over toward the right. "So this is Dr. Banzai's home away from home, eh? Almost looks normal." She glanced down at a watermelon clamped in a tensometer. "Why is this watermelon...?"
Riva shook her head. "Don't ask. Some of his aides told me that to touch the watermelon was trouble. The doctor has lots of things going on here that can get someone hurt if they don't know what theyre for. So I just confine myself to this data terminal and my little workbench over in the corner." She picked up her coffee cup and took another sip "So, what prompts this mission of mercy?'

Riva lunged for her laser pistol, closing her right hand around its cool, plastic grip. She brought it up, but faster than she would have thought possible, the Death Commando swept forward. Using the muzzle of his auto- rifle, he batted the pistol out of line with his body even as
her finger tightened on the trigger. The bolt of coherent light sizzled through the air and struck the end of Banzai's watermelon. The beam burned through the green rind in a nanosecond, then instantly converted the fruit's water-filled pulp to steam. The melon exploded with a muffled thump, spraying organic shrapnel all over the office. The melon's structural integrity destroyed, the tensiometer's top plate slammed down, liquefying the rest of the melon and grinding it into the metal plate below.
Suddenly, equipment on the far wall started a hideous wailing, and a tape of Dr. Banzai's voice filled the room.

She stared out at the battle unfolding below and shook her head. "No, Doctor. I think you're wrong." Banzai's taped voice again repeated its loop. This was just an experiment. The watermelon was unimportant, except that it shows that you should not touch something you do not understand. This was just an experiment, but next time you could ruin something real." Riva narrowed her eves. "No, Dr. Banzai, this time it's verv real. It looks like the war has come to New Avalon."

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jun 3

Pick a selfie from your gallery and turn it black & white!

A black and white photo of a white trans woman with shoulder-length hair and glasses, smiling faintly while looking down at the camera. She is wearing a floral-print skater dress. In the background a tapestry of Godzilla striding through the Great Wave looms.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· May 31

I'm a woman of deep unshakeable conviction and faith because I believe in the holy trinity

A scallop-edged plate with three equal piles of diced celery, white onion, and green bell pepper (the culinary Cajun Trinity), sitting on a wooden table. A yellow hand towel with white stripes is bunched up underneath the lower half of the plate.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Apr 16

If you see this, quote with a pic of you in glasses

A portrait selfie of a white woman, sitting in a salon chair. She has shoulder-length grey and brown hair, freshly blown out. She is wearing a black Star Trek TOS t-shirt with the Enterprise on it, as well as red and dark purple cat-eye glasses.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Apr 4

Best Star Trek crew, wrong answers only

A promo photo of the cast of Leverage (left to right: Elliot, Sophie Deveraux, Nathan Ford, Parker, and Alec Hardison)

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Mar 31

Happy Trans Day of Visibility, friends. Despite all the bastards, we're still here. If you want to support an unemployed trans musician, my bandcamp is at owlbard.bandcamp.com and my Venmo is robotsarcasm!

A greying brunette white woman stands in a cluttered living room with her arms behind her back, smiling. She's wearing cateye glasses and a black sweater with a picture of a Rohirric sword wrapped with vines and the text "I AM NO MAN" across the breast.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Mar 13

oh hell yeah the next Owlbard album is gonna get so weird now. thank you @wordsnwhiskey.bsky.social for enabling my strange bleepbloopmusics, I love you

A brunette white woman with her hair up, qeaeinf glasses, a purple cardigan, and a low-cut black dress holds up a two-octave MIDI controller and grins like she's either very excited or about to bite someone's throat

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Mar 6

The album i had wanted to finish for today was an EP of tracks inspired by my favorite tabletop game, BattleTech - and while it's taking longer than expected, I do have some teaser art to share...

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Mar 6

I'm sick as hell so it was extremely difficult to fill this out but this feels about right for the nine games that make for at least a semi-decent picture of me.

A grid of the covers for nine games: XCOM 2: War of the Chosen, Gundam True Odyssey (or MS Saga: A New Dawn for those of us who played it in English), WinBack: Covert Operations, Jet Force Gemini, Armored Core: Master of Arena, Escape Velocity Override, Ace Combat 5: The Unsung War, BattleTech, and Pokémon Yellow

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Mar 5

My cat and I have spent the past ten minutes watching this squirrel on my neighbor's roof contently munching on a pizza crust as tall as it is. This is not the first or even third time. Where do these squirrels keep finding all this pizza? Why won't they share?

A grey squirrel sitting upright on an awning roof, beneath bare tree branches, holding a pizza crust as tall as it is.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Mar 4

Hoping I can at least get one track mastered tomorrow and just release it as a single. Don't want to let this derail me from my goal, but on the other hand congestion really throws off my ears when mixing. At least my cat is happy about me being couch-bound 😓

A brown tabby cat shrimpin something fierce on a purple blanket in the lap of a pathetic, besnotted lady

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Feb 27

2. Goblin Cock - Bagged and Boarded

The album art for Goblin Cock - Bagged and Boarded, which has the band's name in fancy gold script at the top and the album title in an even frillier font in red at the bottom left. A regal goblin in armor sits on a throne with skulls for armrests, flanked by two flaming braziers. His massive, pierced goblin cock (oh hey thats the band's name!) flops languidly out the bottom of his kilt.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Feb 27

1. Godspeed You! Black Emperor - f#a#♾️

The cover of Godspeed You! Black Emperor's album f#a#infinity, a grainy black-and-white photograph of a sign and some streetlights silhouetted against a cloudy sky

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Feb 27

3, 2, 1... let's jam!

A black and white photo of a Rickenbacker electric guitar laid down on the floor, with a meme-style caption at the top that reads "1 like = 1 favorite album"

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 29

Similarly, STOP USING GENAI TO CREATE MEMES AND THINGS FOR DUNKING ON PEOPLE, EVEN BAD PEOPLE.

Grimdark Batman breaks a shotgun in half while saying "AI is the weapon of the Enemy. We do not NEED it. We will not USE it."

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 27

hey babe, what's your sign?

an OSHA-style workplace safety sign in bright neon green, white, and black. The green band at the top has a green medical cross in a white circle and the text "SAFETY FIRST" in white all-caps sans-serif font. The white lower half shows a black silhouette of a hand caught between a pair of turning gears, and in black all-caps sans-serif font it says "DO NOT FIST ANDROID GIRLS." Good advice.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 20

I've never actually had one of these take off, but hey, maybe this time it will? Get nosy, folks, I'm strangely in the mood to be perceived.

Get To Know Me:
1 Like = 1 Answer

1. Do you have any nicknames?
2. What is a compliment you've never forgotten?
3. Is there something you want to tell someone, but won't?
4. Do you believe in soulmates? Why or why not?
5. Biggest turn on?
6. What was your first job?
7. What was the last song you sang?
8. What is one of your most treasured memories?
9. What has overwhelmed you recently?
10. Someone gave you $100, what are you spending it on?
11. What makes you feel appreciated?
12. Do you have trust issues?
13. Best concert you've ever been to?
14. Do you care what other people think of you?
15. What are your main hobbies?
16. Describe your dream home.
17. What is your strongest held belief(s)?
18. If you could get on a plane tomorrow, where would you go?
19. What is your most attractive feature?
20. Do you believe in aliens?
21. Biggest turn off?
22. What has made you laugh the most lately?
23. Favorite animal?
24. What lyrics are currently stuck in your head?
25. Is there someone you wish you could forgive?
26. Name 3-5 ways to win your heart.
27. Favorite comfort show?
28. Name one thing that always makes you angry.
29. Favorite type of weather?
30. What are you currently looking forward to?

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 19

Alright, timeline cleanse, this place sucks rn. Post you at your dykiest!

A brunette white woman with short hair and glasses smiles. She is mid-spin in her purple plaid midi skirt, barefoot on a concrete patio in a suburban backyard. Her black cropped t-shirt says "JUDGE ME BY MY SIZE, DO YOU?" which is kinda ironic because she is tall as hell. She is smiling, the sunlight dappling her face and legs, because for this moment everything is beautiful and nothing hurts and Skirt Go Spinny.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 10

What actually good trans character design looks like

An extremely tall white woman in a black and white houndstooth suspender skirt, black tank top, purple tights, and glasses sings like a rockstar into a karaoke microphone at a bar.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 7

I've gotten around a bit.

A cubist heat map of the United States, showing different states and US territories at different values for having been to them, visited them, lived in them, etc. At the top the map says "US Level 106," representing the total value of all the visits to the various states. If you're reading this alt text, I love you, but I'm not gonna type out the values I gave for every single state.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Jan 5

Also just to toot my personal horn, I'm quite proud of this little bit of verse I worked up for the announcement - eventually it'll be an entire five-act play about the fall of the Star League! (Iambic pentameter is a hell of a drug 😁)

Within Geneva's storied walls of stone,
The foundation for the future was laid,
To unite mankind under one banner
My greatest grandsire lan did aspire;
And so the Star League did he forge from the
Disp'rate Houses, with Terra at their head,
A Unity against which perfidy
Could not stand.
Yet the centuries since that fateful day
Have seen no end of war, deceit, or spite.
So to you, my fellow House Lords, I plead
You remember the oaths your families swore.
Let us work towards a brighter future,
Let us lift mankind up among the stars.
Cast off the grudges of our sordid past
The end of War itself is in our grasp.

⁃ Richard Cameron lI, "The Fall of the Cameron Star" Act 2, Scene 5
by Yésica Minerva Aguilar, c. 2915

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Dec 25

There's a fancy Christmas lady on my lap! Everyone say "Merry Christmas, Princess Buttercup!"

Princess Buttercup, a brown tabby cat, is laying across a lap and a pile of blankets while looking up out of frame. She is wearing a fancy crocheted collar of silver, purple, and green yarn.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Dec 25

Okay, maybe it finally feels like Christmas.

A homey, cluttered living room wall, dimly lit in wintery colors, with a small Christmas tree off to the left and a TV in the middle playing A Muppet Christmas Carol.

The pigeons are singing "there goes Mr Skinflint, there goes Mr Greed" as Scrooge stalks the streets below them.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Dec 24

Honorable mention:

A brunette white woman in glasses and a burgundy floral dress is sitting cross-legged and chewing on a BattleTech Gothic box set while staring into the camera like it'll be her next meal

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Dec 24

💜 favorite pic of 2025 💜

A white woman in glasses with shoulder-length greying brown hair sits leaning to one side in a burgundy dress with a floral print of dahlias or chrysanthemums or something. She's half-smiling down at the camera and her rack looks huge. Behind her on the wall is a tapestry of Godzilla fighting the Great Wave.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Nov 28

Post something random or youll have an awful December

Bender from Futurama holds up his hands; the caption says "I HAVE EMERGED FROM THE PLACE OF SPELLS AND FAIRIES."

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Nov 19

Artists! Please show: ✨ The first piece you did in 2025 ✨ Your favourite piece of the year ✨ Your most popular piece ✨ Your most recent piece I've definitely leveled up both as a painter *and* a photographer! 😅 I've got two more big projects in the pipe this year, too 😁

A quartet of old plastic BattleTech minis - a Catapult, a Stinger, a BattleMaster, and a Jenner - painted in the livery of House Kurita's esteemed Sword of Light (bold, solid red) and sitting on a black white background.

A plastic BattleTech mini - the Caesar Archangel - painted in a pansexual pride flag color scheme (magenta, yellow, and cyan), sitting on a hexmap among paper crafttrees and buildings.

A BattleTech Mini - the Regent - painted in the Queer Villain pride flag scheme (jagged bolts of magenta, neon orange, neon green, and purple, all over black) and standing on a hexmap among papercraft trees and buildings.

A BattleTech mini - the Shogun - painted like a big jack-o-lantern (the body is orange, the limbs are black, and a fluorescent glowing smile and eyes are painted across the chest) and standing on a hexmap among papercraft trees and buildings.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Nov 17

We love seeing hot girls in dresses! QTP with you being a hot girl in a dress 🔥🔥🔥 (Double points if you're performing some sort of civic duty while also being a hot girl in a dress)

A brunette white woman in purple glasses, a black n95 face mask, and a black maxi dress with a floral print takes a selfie while doing a sink stomp, revealing that her black Doc Martens are accompanied by Swedish Fish socks. She's also wearing a juror's ID badge because there is nowhere better to serve cunt than a courthouse while waiting around during jury duty.

Zahra Huselid, Freelance Owlbard@zahra-the-bard· Oct 29

When life gets scary, paint a scary pumpkin-mech-thing!