DALIA MALEK ☥

@daliamalek

COMEDIAN WHO WEARS SHORTS ON STAGE. PLANT-BASED GOD. NOT YOUR HOMIE. HOST OF INTERRUPTION SHOW, LIVE COMEDY SHOW & PODCAST MY BUTT HAS A SEPARATE ACCOUNT @daliabutt.bsky.social

159 Following715 Followers773 Posts

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DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jul 3

🇪🇬

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jun 28

Been a while since i posted a selfie, so here ya go

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jun 6

Roku’s emailing me shit like this, terrifying that generative AI might replace comedy, how could a human come up with anything funnier than this

Generative comedy
Signs in neighborhood: monterey park / no data centers here

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jun 5

Every 4 years i try not to become the person the fifa world cup makes me

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· May 27

I remember this from the happy meal

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Apr 7

I swear honey, our moon trip ran late & we’re still up here, nasa can’t report space dust to the public because it lowers morale, i’m sending you pics

Close-up of someone’s ear & right cheek backgrounded by what’s definitely a spaceship window at the moon & not the window of a car parked by a second family’s home.

The Independent, “Artemis II live updates: Trump speaks to NASA astronauts as they head home from moon”

Convincing black gradient & slightly stretched reddish circle, certainly live streamed by NASA & not edited with a free android app

NASA’s Artemis II Live Mission Coverage (Official Broadcast), YouTube

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Apr 6

Staggering that the racists of today & the fathers of contemporary american anti-immigration have indistinguishably been a version of this guy

Photograph of a hairline-compromised Prescott F Hall looking incel-lically like the only time he ever made someone wet was from a limp handshake, and incidentally after 52 years of disgracing this planet succumbed to his acute weakness of chin and (if you're ever stuck in Norfolk, Massachussetts with a full bladder) is now buried in Groton Cemetery, Lot 30.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Mar 26

An educational story wouldn’t be effective without a message, & what better message than the acceptance of habitat destruction & concreting over formerly green spaces to make way for the sweet heat of urbanization

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Mar 26

Dwarfs, dwarves, or elves?! Adolescents & adults may not be as easily terrorized by the ol’ “dwarfs with magnets” tale. Try confusion: mix fantasy lore & reality just before they go inside the tube. They’ll be too fixated on deciphering what’s canon to notice being trapped in a sarcophagus of regret

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Mar 26

An MRI can be scary, which is why it’s important to explain to children how they work. It is even more crucial to lie. Lie to children convincingly by shrouding the lie in partial truths. Ensure your lie is even more terrifying than the truth. Do not let children discover that the truth is boring

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Mar 7

I thought this was an ad for a dustpan

The Shahed-136 'kamikaze' drone
Main use: Deployed in swarms to overload enemy defences in attacks on cities and key infratstructure
Operation: THe low-flying drones are hard to detect by radar and carry explosives in their nose which detonate on impact
Estimated cost: Iranian-made and relatively cheap $20-30,000 (£15-22,000) each
Range: Maximum distance of about 1,550 miles (2,500km)
Warhead
Wingspan: 2.5m (8.2 ft)
Source: Defence Express, Getty Images
BBC

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Feb 26

“Being alive is all in your head,” claims ICU doctor who calls time of death too early

Vice

The Eerie Words People Hear After Death, According to an ICU Doctor

Survivors describe an awareness that lingers beyond the moment everyone in the room assumes it’s over.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jan 19

Mysterious indeed that the demographic least likely to wash their bedsheets constitutes the majority of patients hosting the parasite that lives in bedsheets

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jan 18

I contributed a chapter to this book and yes it's the one with "bleak" in the title. If you spot a typo don't tell me bristoluniversitypressdigital.com/edcollchap-o...

Climate Justice in Action: Activism and Adaptation in Eastern Africa

Edited by Katie McQuaid, Neil J. w. Crawford, Admire Mare and Susan Nanduddu

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Nov 29

I had to learn from this guy about chocolate covered dates?

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Nov 3

Actually delighted that fb thinks i’m the right demographic for kotn’s tough guys soft sweaters campaign

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Oct 1

every once in a while midnight suns gets weird

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Sep 20

I am also human and i can understand importance of item

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Aug 13

Who’s teaching it? Someone from the generation that popularized “adulting” because no one taught them either, the generation that thinks “figure it out/bootstraps” is adulting, or the generation that’s dead?

GEN Z IS TAKING ‘ADULTING 101’ CLASS BECAUSE NO ONE TAUGHT THEM HOW TO DO LIFE

“I don’t know how to change a tire. I don’t know how to sew. I don’t know how to do a lot of things."

The University of Waterloo is offering “Adulting 101,” a free online resource that helps students with budgeting, cooking, cleaning, career prep, and even how to ask for help.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Aug 6

AI sucks

The McPlant burger itself, being a highly processed food item, does not directly count towards the recommended "5 A Day" portions of fruits and vegetables.
Here's why:
Focus on whole foods: The "5 A Day" recommendation emphasizes consuming whole, fresh, frozen, canned (in natural juice or water with no added sugar or salt), dried fruits, vegetables, and pulses.
McPlant ingredients: While it contains some ingredients derived from plants, like peas and rice protein in the patty, and includes lettuce and tomato, these are not the primary focus of the product. The McPlant is designed as a burger substitute, and as such, it's not the best source for your daily fruit and vegetable intake.
Potatoes, yams, and cassava don't count: Starchy vegetables like potatoes (which may be included in the McPlant in some form) are typically not counted towards the "5 A Day" recommendation because they are considered starchy foods.
While a McPlant might contain a small amount of lettuce and tomato, you would need to consume a significant amount of the burger to meet a single "5 A Day" portion, and it would be a less efficient way to get your daily intake compared to eating whole fruits and vegetables.
In summary, while the McPlant is a plant-based option, it's not considered a healthy way to achieve the recommended "5 A Day" fruit and vegetable intake. It's important to remember that it's a burger, and should be considered an occasional indulgence, not a primary source of your daily fruit and vegetable needs.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jul 28

Does not represent me, i identify as a person of resignation

Sign: Priority for people of determination

Caption: Dubai uses the term ‘People of Determination’ instead of people with disabilities’ on public signs

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jul 25

Scotland will always have my heart 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

The National
Convicted US felon to arrive in Scotland

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jul 21

I have read this quote by malcolm jamal warner 6 times & still have no idea what he meant, but nonetheless the reference to leonard part 6 is hilarious r.i.p.

Quotes
[on Bill Cosby's sexual assault allegations] While I certainly don't condone what Bill has been accused of, I feel those universities were vindictive in taking back his honorary doctorate; I believe, despite everything, he's actually earned that - if not before, then definitely since. Personally, I would have ordered him to do a remake of Leonard Part 6 (1987) and then called it even.

Rumors have persisted that Bill Cosby bought the television rights to make sure this movie would never appear on television. It made its network television debut on CBS on April 24, 1990.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jul 12

If you won’t go vegan for nature, nature will come fucking make you

‘Explosive increase’ of ticks that cause meat allergy in US due to climate crisis
Unusually aggressive lone star ticks, common in the south-east, are spreading to areas previously too cold for them

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Jun 8

I couldn’t remember christopher walken’s name

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· May 25

Americans who don’t qualify for foreign earned income exclusion (based on earning a lower income than the minimum set for the year) may acquire UK citizenship when they become eligible to do so, renounce their US citizenship, and live one income taxily ever after. Doing this is A Thing

IRS.gov

If you are a U.S. citizen or a resident alien of the United States and you live abroad, you are taxed on your worldwide income. However, you may qualify to exclude your foreign earnings from income up to an amount that is adjusted annually for inflation ($107,600 for 2020, $108,700 for 2021, $112,000 for 2022, and $120,000 for 2023). In addition, you can exclude or deduct certain foreign housing amounts.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· May 25

This article doesn’t even explain what “because taxes” means. The double taxation of the income of Americans working abroad has been in place since before destroying the universe was even a twinkle in trump’s eye

IRS.gov
F
General FAQs
1. I’m a U.S. citizen living and working outside of the United States for many years. Do I still need to file a U.S. tax return?
Yes, if you are a U.S. citizen or a resident alien living outside the United States, your worldwide income is subject to U.S. income tax, regardless of where you live. However, you may qualify for certain foreign earned income exclusions and/or foreign income tax credits. Visit Publication 54, Tax Guide for U.S. Citizens and Resident Aliens Abroad, for additional information.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· May 25

This is the biggest giveaway that this snippet of the news cycle is about nothing

The statistics were compiled by Bambridge Accountants, a firm with offices in New York and London specializing in cross-border taxation.

“These are mainly people who already left the US and just decided they’ve had enough of everything,” Alistair Bambridge, a partner at Bambridge Accountants, told CNN in August 2020.

Many people who renounced their citizenship complained of being unhappy with the political climate in the United States at the time and how the pandemic was being handled, but another reason for their decision was often taxes, he said.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· May 20

Why don’t you know my 3rd love language out of the 5 total love languages, it is also my 3rd from the bottom, why don’t you know it & make me feel special

Love is Blind s7
Monica
I’m a big words of affirmation, acts of service person.

Love is Blind s7
Monica
But my third one is gifts. And, like, I show love.

Love is Blind s7
Monica
It’s not about flowers. It’s just about making me feel special.

DALIA MALEK ☥@daliamalek· Mar 21

Hi yes i’m calling to ask if your extreme torturer survival haunted house experience is wheelchair accessible