Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen

@jdorchen

essayist, fiction writer, other kind of writer, food preparer and eater, illustration guy, sickened unto death by the folly of humanity, nevertheless astonished by the cosmic myriad

418 Following492 Followers1,767 Posts

Bluesky

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Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· 27d

sic semper tyrannis Happy 30th anniversary, This Is Hell! and @chuckmertz.bsky.social

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jul 15

Diarrhea Harry says:

Dirty Harry pointing his Magnum and saying:

"SHARIA SOCIALISM OR DIARRHEA CAPITALISM? YOUR CHOICE, PUNK."

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jul 15

Great. Happy breakfasting. Thanks, Obama. Or Mamdani. This is what sharia socialism gets you. Eh, that was last week. We've moved on to diarrhea lettuce.

Headline: CDC confirms 12 sick in ongoing E coli outbreak linked to frozen blueberries
News brief July 8, 2026
Stephanie Soucheray, MA

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) published a food safety alert for an ongoing outbreak of E. coli infections linked to frozen organic blueberries.

At least 12 people in two states have been sickened during the outbreak. Four people have been hospitalized, but no deaths have been reported. Eleven of the case-patients are from Florida, with a single case reported in Georgia. Illnesses started on dates ranging from May 11, 2026, to June 5, 2026, the CDC said. Case-patients range in age from 2 to 88 years old.

“The true number of sick people in this outbreak was likely much higher than the number reported, and this outbreak may not have been limited to the states with known illnesses,” the CDC said

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jul 13

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jul 9

Wish I was in London Or some other seafood town I'd stuff my face with bouillabaisse And eat that seafood down

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jul 9

Starbucks CEO Brian Niccol is, as the kids today say, a jive turkey. I recommend him to The Guillotine Brothers street haircut service.

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jul 4

It's also the 115th birthday of Comet, subject of one of the top hits of kids. Comet It makes your teeth turn green Comet It tastes like gasoline Comet It makes you vomit So get some Comet And vomit Today To the tune of the Colonel Bogey March AKA The Bridge on the River Kwai song

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jun 10

Worth becoming a paid subscriber if you like rants that offer no real new information!

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jun 10

I dub this latest administration of white supremacist incompetents and the base who identify with them: Goobermenschen. Spell it as you wish.

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jun 6

The food and beer I'm enjoying while listening to Molly Crabapple talk about the Jewish Bund. Spicy Moroccan sardines and scallions on TJ's European grain and seed bread, with a beer blend of Founders's Dirty Bastard and Solid Gold Premium Lager in a handblown glass. Appropriate or what?

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Jun 4

Can we amend the constitution to stipulate that no more fucking tender-testicled mentally decrepit sociopathic kleptomaniacal rapist convicted felons are allowed to try to run the country?

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Apr 27

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Apr 21

RIP Dr. Gladys West Without her legacy we'd be lost

head shot of smiling older Black woman with hat and glasses

1930 - 2026
Dr. Gladys West, The
Mathematician Who Made
GPS Possible Has D!ed At 95.

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Apr 16

Monkey Christ Super Chimp Are you a god or an evil imp? Monkey Christ Superstar Driving around in a mini-car

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Apr 8

Glass eyes made by Leopold Blaschka

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Apr 8

The man with the Merde-Ass Touch strikes again. What a stink-fingered dolt. POS can't do anything right.

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Apr 4

No disrespect intended, but I wouldn't be "American" if I didn't ask myself and everyone else at this time of year (tax time!), "Do you think, in hindsight, from a fiduciary perspective, Jesus played his cards right?" image: Roman soldiers gambling for Jesus' cloak (jesusinbible.com)

image: Roman soldiers gambling for Jesus' cloak, cheesy old 60's bible illustration style, like Highlights magazine

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Mar 27

Trump has the Merde-Ass Touch

Photo of Trump pointing to his empty cranium

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Mar 27

Who asked for you? No one. No one asked for that free U2 album that popped up like a zit on everyone's app and no one asked for Manus. Manus the Anus. I already have one! A real one. It's called Egbert and it works just fine, thanks.

Jeffrey Yosephus Dorchen@jdorchen· Mar 27

He might as well wipe his ass on all our money. Talk about devaluing the dollar. At least he didn't go with his initial plan of breading and deep-frying all US currency.