Ella misses Crowley (@atinyella) · DIRTY

Ella misses Crowley

@atinyella

Nerdfighteria, my beloved 🩵 Yamaç Koçovalı & Ninth Doctor supremacy. Pfp: Tuna salad picrew Banner by @violet.dftba.social 30 || 🇿🇦'ian || She/They || Poet ✨️ Çukur her yerde. 🖤 FREE PALESTINE. 🇵🇸

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Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 8d

no cheating, post your lock screen I miss him 💔

Screenshot of my lock screen. The time and date is 3:46am, Saturday, August 1st. Wallpaper is of Crowley reaching for a book on a shelf in Aziraphale's bookshop.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 8d

Happy Esther Day, Nerdfighteria. 🩵 I love you. (And so does Cora!!)

A blue Finch birb, wearing a white shirt with finchies on it, white pants and white shoes. She's also wearing a white leafy crown and has light blue wings at her back. She holds a blue basket off hearts.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 10d

01/08/26 ?????

01/08/26
(1/3)

Falling fast,
grabbing at air,
and I despair
that it doesn't last.

Being okay.

It's dark these days,
more often than not.
I've fought
more battles against myself,
than you ever did.

01/08/26
(2/3)

And you leave me in it.
Alone.
All I've ever known
is cold sheets,
dismissive words,
and a heart that aches.

No more.

01/08/26
(3/3)

Please, no more.

Give me warmth.
Give me love.
Give me hope.

I was never meant
to be an island.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 10d

@johngreensbluesky.bsky.social needs to see this gem (Original source: @weratedogs.com newsletter)

A cartoon of a golden retriever laying in a sunbeam streaming in from a window. Beside him is his elephant plush.

White bubbles with black text reads: Loving you is like falling asleep. In a warm sunbeam. So easy to do."
The comic is by Thoughts of Dog.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 11d

31/07/26 I rage for caring

31/07/26
(1/2)

I rarely rage
at my own kindness,
at my capacity for care.

Today, I screamed in my head.
I battered my heart,
glared at my being,
saying:
"Never again."

31/07/26
(2/2)

And yet.

I know I'll only do it again.

Sometimes, I swear
caring feels like a curse.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 14d

28/07/26 ode to a teddy bear

28/07/26
(1/2)

Soft and white,
and worn by time,
worn by love,
you were there
when you could be.
When no one else was.

Reaching for you
before I implode,
crash, surrender —
and you don't tell me
I am wrong
for feeling wronged.

28/07/26
(2/2)

You don't dismiss me to silence.
You let me stay
and feed on the comfort
I get nowhere else.

My darling teddy bear.
My dearest Hank.

Thank you.

I'm so grateful.
To you, and to the hands
that created you.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 14d

On that note: Still can't believe this happened.

Screenshot of the official Six on Broadway account on Instagram sharing my story on their story.

Screenshot of a dm with the official Six on Broadway Instagram account where they replied to my story, saying "thanks for helping us take back the microphone! 🎤"

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 15d

27/07/26 tiny star

27/07/26
(1/2)

Drifting in a starless sky.
Distress calls echo into the void —
I've heard nothing back.

Nothing that promises
being pulled back
to oxygen and life
and hope.

27/07/26
(2/2)

I'm running low.
Nowhere to go,
getting harder breathe.

Just one, small
tiny star.
That's all I ask, at least.
One small spark.

I'll wait.
I'll try.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 17d

25/07/26 ??????

25/07/26
(1/2)

If only I understood
why You keep me here
in a house of hurt,
teeming with traitors,
bigots, liars even smoother
than Loki's own.

Why keep me
stuck in a minefield?
Every step I take
triggers the blow

25/07/26
(2/2)

And You and I both know:

I'm the only one
shattered into a thousand
broken splinters.

Don't dare "fix" me.

Get me out.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 18d

24/07/26 dust in the wind (Gentle note that this does boarder SI — please tread carefully when reading)

24/07/26
(1/3)

It's broken.
You cannot beat it
into functionality
in totality
this eclipse
is nothing but darkness.

Stop. Trying.
Stop hoping
the sun will
emerge again.
Stop screaming it
into fruition.

24/07/26
(2/3)

You don't matter.
They don't care.
You are something
to accept and pull close
only when they see fit —

Stop trying
Stop trying
Stop trying —

24/07/26
(3/3)

Just dissolve
into dust.

That's what you are.
Disposable.
Unwanted.

Unloved.

Let the wind
blow you away.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 20d

22/07/26 ??????

22/07/26
(1/2)

I have only one
gigantic, impossible ask.
I need to be held.
Carry me, just for a while.
Allow me to lean
on the strength
of another.

Give me space to exist.
Give me air, let me breathe.
Let me rest.

22/07/26
(2/2)

Let me be loved.

My heart is so utterly
happy to give.
So happy to love.

This impossible ask
is all I have left.

I want somewhere
to safely fall, too.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 21d

21/07/26 paper planes

21/07/26
(1/2)

A paper plane
folded into existence
and sent flying
gliding
floating
riding the breeze
of a winter's morning.

On a street, in a park
her brain a stark contrast
to the bright blue sky,
a girl is sat on a bench

21/07/26
(2/2)

the paper plane, ever so gentle
lands on her lap.
And upon her unfolding
this simple creation,
she finds a simple message:

"You are enough.
In fact, you are more than.
To whoever is reading
don't ever stop believing —
you are enough."

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 22d

20/07/26 breaking molds

20/07/26
breaking molds
(1/2)

I've broken molds
since my first breath.
And here, with new additions
to my sense of self
knocking on my door,
I'm not even remotely
afraid.

20/07/26
breaking molds
(2/2)

It only means that I
burn brighter
than you will ever truly
understand.
Hotter than you will
ever be able to hold.

Breaking molds
was my destiny, you see.

I aspire to keep breaking them.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· 27d

15/07/26 winter sunsets (Forgot to post here for days, oops)

15/07/26
winter sunsets

Today I embraced the cold
just to marvel at a sunset
ending a crisp winter's day.

This is what my life has been.
Embracing the cold of my brain
just to marvel at the light
of another tomorrow.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 12

12/07/26 static

12/07/26
static
(1/2)

Dissolving into spiral
and noise like TV static
at max volume
of "I wish I were enough"
of "I wish I were worthy"
of "I wish I mattered" —

I been in this room before.

12/07/26
static
(2/2)

And so the question becomes:
How the hell
has my brain not grown bored

of all the deceptive,
senseless,
spiels?

Walk away, brain.

For both our sakes.

Just walk away from the static.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 10

10/07/26 birds and worries

10/07/26
birds and worries
(1/2)

It feels so far away.
Any and every
branch of a future
that might be.

Tired and stuck,
it'll take sheer luck
to break past
these iron gates.

10/07/26
birds and worries
(2/2)

But I long less
for new air,
new scenery,
new birds to sing me awake.

I long most
for love.
I worry my future
will look like me
listening to morning birds
alone.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 10

4x3.fun 10 July 2026 155 points • No mistakes 🟨🟨🌟 🟪🌟🟪 🟩🌟🟩 🟦🌟🟦 Omg the smusher award!

Stats for today's 4×3 game.
100 points for completion
30 for solving in under 90 sec
5 for doing in/under 12 clicks
20 for a 20 day streak
A new personal best score award
A no mistakes award
An award for playing Smusher

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 9

09/07/26 clouds

08/07/26
clouds
(1/2)

The clouds don't know
that when they turn grey
shroud the day,
they chase my joys away.

The clouds don't know
their beauty as they wear
the rays of the sun
bright, orange and pink,
and I cannot help but think

09/07/26
clouds
(2/2)

I don't see my own beauty
when the sun rays of life
shine in my eyes
and my smile.

And like the clouds
we both turn grey
when it's all too heavy
to carry.

They release by rain.
I release by tears.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 8

08/07/26 Couple of weeks ago, I challenged myself to write a poem in both Afrikaans and English. Rules being A: it has to rhyme somewhat and B: It can't loose meaning throughout. I *think* I succeeded. Feel free to dm me for Afrikaans translations! For now.... Enjoy the mystery 👀 – Ella 🩵

08/07/26
sides/kante
(1/2)

Watter kant van jou
sal jy vandag wys?
Any side, love,
any face —
they're all mine after all.

Wat dan van twee?
Ek en jy, vry....
...as we'll stay
until dust and beyond.

08/07/26
sides/kante
(2/2)

I feel we're different
as the the moon and sun—
maar steeds n span.
Hoe wonderlik is dit nie?

Hierdie dans —
It's a chance
to show the colours —
van wie die siel is.

Isn't it bliss?

Om so uniek te leef?

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 6

06/07/26 Best in the universe I LOVE MY FRIENDS K BAI

06/07/26

Far, far beyond the borders
of these brick walls,
uneven earth,
and endless roads,
I know treasures
I can't begin to measure.

I love them with every atom
of my breathing being,
they are the Force
that keeps me moving.

06/07/26

Their light brings me joy,
their humour and wisdom
give the gift of hope.

You can't get better
friends than
mine.

In no universe
is that possible.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 5

05/07/26 ?????

05/07/26

The blanket holds me.
For now, it's warmth,
the distant sound of cars,
and crashing ocean waves,
and slow, sleeping dog breath,
is all I feel I have.

And maybe it's all I need.

Maybe I'll be okay.

Maybe.

Someday.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 3

03/07/26 ????

03/07/26
untitled
(1/2)

I can't win
when not even blood
fights for blood,
when all I see,
is backs turning on backs,
as the walls crumble.

I'm tired.

03/07/26
untitled
(2/2)

I can't fight.
I can't even swim
to find shore.
No more.
Please, no more.

I can't win.

Not when I'm this
alone.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 2

02/07/26 glass ceilings

02/07/26
glass ceilings
(1/2)

Glass ceilings
are meant to be broken.
And I suppose, perhaps,
I chip at mine
one mug of tea,
one episode of a show,
one breath in hope,
at a time.

02/07/26
glass ceilings
(2/2)

And yet I look up,
and it hasn't even shattered.

....yet.

One day more.
One day closer.

I will break free.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 1

01/07/26 to fly again

01/07/26
to fly again
(1/2)

The plummet
after flying high
amongst the clouds
is jarring,
there's no arguing
'bout that.

But dearest,
neither is the fact
that the fall
doesn't erase
the progress,
of making it
to the warmth,
and light of the sun.

01/07/26
to fly again
(2/2)

Remember.
Remember today
started in hope.

Remember the very fact
is etched in the stone
of your history, now

You will rise again.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jul 1

Weeeee

Screenshot of my 4×3 results.

My score is 141.
I got extra points for:
Finishing under 90 seconds
Reaching an 11 day streak
I got a new personal best score
Made no mistakes this game

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jun 30

30/06/26 the stars agree

30/06/26
the stars agree
(1/3)

Tea's getting cold.
You're lost in your mind, I'm told.
Perhaps, my dear traveller,
my darling storyteller,
I can pull you from
the spiral.

You matter.
In the matter of time
and life,
you are here, real
as the blood in my veins.

30/06/26
the stars agree
(2/3)

Thus your anger is real,
your despair, your grief,
your fear, your hope,
your heart calling
for the beating rhythm
of another.

The silence following prayer
and wishes on stars,
does not erase
your existence as you are.

30/06/26
the stars agree
(3/3)

You will always matter.

Now, drink your tea.
Feel it go down.
Drown in the cold.
But remember —
you've been told:

You are here.
You are here.
You matter.

Time and the stars agree.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jun 29

29/06/26 fight and fall

29/06/26
fight and fall
(1/3)

It's brave.
Attempting to move
the needle of despair
and pain just
a little.

Naming the hurt,
curling up under a blanket,
eating a snack,
or escaping into story —

but you worry.

29/06/26
fight and fall
(2/3)

You're sinking, still.
No matter the sheer will
you out into getting better,
you feel like you're falling.

Maybe you are.
And maybe that's okay.

But darling,
I see you.
And you're climbing
all the same.

29/06/26
fight and fall
(3/3)

The work you do
matters.

Please.

Don't.
Stop.
Fighting.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jun 28

28/06/26 no fires (Another hard day today.)

28/06/26
no fires
(1/2)

The fire's gone out.
It's cold. Shivering.
I wonder what it's like
to sit at the table where the families are.

I see hugs exchanged
and laughter erupting
from person to person —
no one is

alone.

28/06/26
no fires
(2/2)

I see love shining in eyes,
U see hands holding hands
and sorrows, and hopes,
and minds by a thousandfold.

There are glances
in my direction.
No one dares say a word,
no one gives a hand...

Have I done something wrong?

The fire's gone out.
It's cold. Shivering.
Not even my flint
makes a spark.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jun 27

27/06/26 mercy CW for death/mention of dying (albeit metaphorical)

27/06/26
mercy
(1/3)

It has to stop.
The suffocating walls,
the mocking calls
of birds and wind,
and sunlight
that never meets skin
because it's too
inaccessible.

It has to stop.
The condescending tones,
the racist rants,
the queerphobic stabs,
and the evergreen knowledge
that I am not truly loved.

27/06/26
mercy
(2/3)

Stop this. All of it.
The lack of true touch,
the void where
companionship should be,
and yet I don't see
a soul ready

to hold my hand,
my heart,

this is the art
of a decade's worth
of soul-level
erosion.

I am dying.

27/06/26
mercy
(3/3)

Stop this.
Stop this.

BREAK THESE WALLS!!
SHATTER THE GLASS CEILING!!!

MERCY!!
MERCY!!

please.

mercy.

Let me see the sun.
Let me be held.
Let me be loved.

Mercy.
I beg.
Mercy.

Ella misses Crowley@atinyella· Jun 25

25/06/26 This poem is yours. 🩵

25/06/26
this poem is yours
(1/2)

I hope you know
you are loved.
You, the soul reading this,
the soul I have the bliss
of walking this earth with.

Even if our paths of life
and time are distant,
it's consistent;
how much I care,
how proud I am
to know you are here,
you exist.

25/06/26
this poem is yours
(2/2)

Look at you,
you brilliant creation.
My heart sings
in celebration
of you making it another day.

Of knowing you another day.

Keep going.
And know
that you
are
loved.