This is an amazing deal - Waterstones will give you *25% off the price* of my new ghost story Hobbe's Folly if you order before Friday, but still deliver you *100% of the pages* when it's published in October. And that gorgeous cover too! Bag yours now: www.waterstones.com/book/hobbes-...

The Mail have got such a crush. It’s rather sweet.

You can save 25% on my new ghost story - and avoid Amazon - if you pre-order from Waterstones now. Out on 8th October, so you’ll have a Halloween scare to look forward to! www.waterstones.com/book/hobbes-...

LOOK WE WERE 50% RIGHT THAT'S ACTUALLY REALLY GOOD WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT

I had completely forgotten until reading her obits this morning that when I was in Bristol Youth Theatre we were helpfully condemned by Ann Widdecombe’s brother.

So, massively corrupt-looking MP who has taken shit loads of money from dodgy geezers versus... (checks notes) the Establishment, is it? That should go well.

Ok, prepared to admit there may be something in this “football” you‘re all going on about after all.

“Sorry I grabbed your tot.”

Big career woman, according to Wikipedia.

Page and a half of questions to this person in the Evening Standard, and not one of them is "Who are you?"

She joined Showaddywaddy.

What they think is happening/what’s actually happening

Not entirely clear why every story in the Times is currently accompanied by a picture of Andy Burnham getting ready to rough up @breeallegretti.bsky.social in the interview room until they get a confession out of him.

How much more decorous, eh? HOW MUCH MORE DECOROUS THE TASSELS??

LABOUR PARTY FACT FILE: The Campaign for Labour Party Democracy is an internal pressure group and underwear brand promoted by Tony Benn and Jon Lansmann, who continues to model for all their adverts.

LABOUR PARTY FACT FILE: In the 1980s Socialist Organiser was a short-lived left-wing rival to the Filofax which allowed you to keep track of CLP meetings and whether they were sufficiently quorate to vote down motions proposed byMilitant.

LABOUR PARTY FACT FILE: The Fabian Society has declined in influence since the late 1990s when its founder Fabio got hit in the face by a goose while riding a rollercoaster.

Oh my God! It’s too late! That’s him outside the door right now! QUICK MURIEL - BURN EVERYTHING!

Pickle says she is not coming out of her box until this ridiculous weather is over. Please sort.

We're getting some top insights from the BBC team this morning.

Ooh, isn’t she butch.

And this is why being snatched up by the devil for walking widdershins round the Kirk is one of the major causes of mortality in the UK.

2/2 it was always actually really grim and grotty, as this story I remember writing for Private Eye in 2004 demonstrates:

We went and paid our respects this evening at the Coach and Horses to Norman Balon, the incredibly rude landlord and host for 40 years of the @privateeyenews.bsky.social lunch, who has died at the age of 99. To quote Norm's favourite phrase, and the 1st thing he ever said to me, "fuck off". And RIP.

Oh do fuck off Google AI. Of all the things you might have read and might be able to identify the quote I was looking for, you'd think the Bible might be in there.

If you're wondering what age I've reached, I looked at this photo in the piece about young offenders in today's @theobserveruk.bsky.social and thought “Well, that one's very smart”, and it turns out this nice young man is the Justice Minister.